The benefits of mindfulness are not just anecdotal: A growing body of scientific research shows its positive effects on mental health and well-being. Practicing mindfulness has been shown to improve attention and reduce stress as well as increase one's ability to regulate emotions and feel compassion and empathy.  Mindfulness is also widely considered an effective psychotherapy treatment for adults, children, and adolescents with aggression, ADHD, or other mental health issues such as anxiety.  To learn more about the benefits of mindfulness, please check out this thorough article about mindfulness with children across the all the developmental phases.

There is remarkable evidence that shows that when you do things like mindfulness and relaxation training and yoga, that you are setting your body up to not express certain genes that could cause a lot of illness and disease in people. And the idea of kids learning this is quite beneficial, especially when we add in the different environment that kids these days are growing up in with technology. While we love our phones and some of us love them more than others, we really are creating an entirely different experience for kids these days.  And the idea of having this mindfulness to rely on, to clear your mind, to enter into a thoughtless state and to really align your mind and body in a very positive way is very good preventive medicine.

I find in my work with families that parents are just as happy to be doing it as the kids are. And I essentially think all kids need to learn how to do calm breathing and one nostril breathing, which is where you close one nostril and you close your mouth and breathe in very slowly in and out through the other nostril. Usually you breathe in for seven and out for nine. And you do it for several minutes until you get really relaxed.

But, there are all of these apps now where parents can help their children learn how to relax. For example, C-A-L-M, is an app, which has an amazing bedtime stories as part of the app. Part of the app is free and part of it you have to pay for and the bedtime stories unfortunately is something you have to pay for. But, I’ve had children who’ve had a lot of trouble relaxing before bed and they listen to these stories. There’s one where the man’s voice is very soothing and you almost want to fall asleep the second he starts talking. And of course, that’s one way to use it. Another way is not at bedtime, but for them to really learn how to relax and how to decompress. And what I suggest is looking at the different apps to see if any resonate for you, your child or teen, and your family. InsightTimer is a good one. Buddhify is another one.   Headspace is another good app.  The most important part is to start somewhere and make it a habit.
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Ah, middle school. Though your child may barely be entering puberty and may still be a pre-teen, the transition to middle school is a big step on the road to maturity. A big, scary step. Regardless of what specific grade marks the beginning of junior high or middle school in your community, your child will be both excited and afraid. Researchers have found that students anticipating the move to middle school worry about three aspects of the change: logistical, social, and academic. Your child with learning or attention difficulties shares the same worries as their peers, and may be afraid the change will be even harder for them.

While you won’t be able to calm your child’s fears completely, with some advance planning and open discussions you can substantially ease their mind. The first step is understanding what may worry your child.

Logistical Concerns

When researchers asked kids what aspect of moving to middle school most concerned them, the top answers related to how things at the new school worked (Akos, 2002). How would they find the right classroom? What happened if they were tardy? Where was the cafeteria? What about the bathrooms?

Middle school is a much more complex environment than grade school. The campus is larger, there are more students, and instead of one teacher and one classroom, your child will have a separate instructor and classroom, for each subject or block of subjects (e.g., language arts/social studies or math/science). It’s no wonder kids worry about finding their way in this new world.

For your student with learning or attention problems, understanding the rules and procedures of the new school may be even more important. The challenge of navigating multiple transitions between classes and organizing books and materials for every subject may be all she can handle in the first few weeks.

Here are some strategies for helping your child make a smoother transition to middle school:

• Explore the school’s website with your child. Search for announcements, schedules, and events.
• Accompany your child on campus tours and orientations offered to parents and incoming students. The better you understand the school layout and rules, the more you can help your child.
• Get a map of the campus and take your child to explore. Pick a time after school in the spring or in the days just before school starts in the fall. Be sure to check in with the school office to get an okay for your explorations.
• Include a couple of your child’s friends on campus treks. They can boost each other’s memory about where things are when school starts.
• Take advantage of summer programs — academic or recreational — offered at the new school for incoming students. Your child will get the feel for the campus in a much more relaxed atmosphere.
• If you can, get a copy of your child’s class schedule and mark the location of their locker and each classroom and bathroom on the school map. Tape both of these inside their binder and locker.  If your child has trouble reading maps, walk the route between classes with them — more than once, if necessary — and note landmarks that your child can use to navigate.
• Find out the length of the passing period between classes. Time it out for your child. Demonstrate how far they can walk in that amount of time.
• Get a copy of the student handbook. Review rules and requirements — especially the school’s code of conduct, which describes consequences for violations of the most important rules. Ask the school staff questions about anything that is unclear.
• Buy your child a lock for her locker several weeks before school starts to give them plenty of time to practice opening and closing it. (Note: Consider whether a combination or keyed lock is best for your child.)  In some schools, this will not be feasible as the lockers come with built-in locks.  Your child might feel anxious dealing with a lock, especially a combination lock, for the first time.
• Make sure your child has an easy-to-read wristwatch so they can quickly see if they need to hurry to be on time to class. 

Social Fears

Another area of worry for students moving to middle school is the social scene. Will I see anyone I know? Will it be hard to make friends? Will I have to eat lunch alone? Are the older kids bullies?
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Your child is moving from the top of the elementary school heap to the bottom rung of the middle school social ladder.  They may have heard that the older students tease or bully the younger ones. They know for sure that they and their best friends are unlikely to be in every single class together, and, even worse, there may be classes where they don’t know anyone at all on the first day. And if your child with learning or attention problems struggles to make friends anyway, then this all adds up to a potential social nightmare.

Remember that, in addition to changing schools, your child is entering adolescence, a stage when kids start to rely much more on peers and pull away from parents. This is a time when being part of a group is very important and being perceived as different can be devastating. It’s not surprising that finding friends in the new school is a top priority.

The good news is that the more varied social environment also offers many opportunities to meet people. Being in multiple classes each day means your student is surrounded by more potential friends. The better news is that, once students are settled into middle school, they report that friendships and the social scene are among the best things about school (Akos, 2002: Forgan, 2000).

Some things that you can do to ease the social transition:

• Encourage your child to join sports teams, clubs, or other extracurricular activities.
• Ease any loneliness in the early weeks of school by helping your child arrange weekend social activities with neighborhood, church, or grade school friends.
• Encourage your child to join group conversations. Discuss how to join in without interrupting, to add something relevant to conversation in progress, etc.
• Talk about traits that make a good friend (such as being a good listener).
• Talk about social skills. Discuss how words and actions can affect other people.
• Practice skills needed for difficult social situations.
• Remind your child to make eye contact when speaking or listening.

Academic Concerns

Though most students worry more about the logistical and social aspects of middle school before they get there, once settled in, academic concerns rise to the surface. Will the classes be too difficult? Will there be too much homework? Are the teachers hard graders?

It’s quite typical for students’ academic performance to drop upon entering middle school. Along with everything else that’s going on – roller coaster emotions, physical changes, and social upheaval – your child is also coping with harder classes, more homework, and a whole new set of academic expectations. Middle school teachers don’t form the close bonds with students that your child enjoyed in grade school. There is less small group and personalized instruction. Teachers expect students to take charge of assignments and projects with less day-to-day guidance.

For a student with learning or attention difficulties, these changes can come as quite a shock. Teachers may vary in their willingness to understand and accommodate your child’s learning needs. Organization and time management demands rise to a new level. Though it can seem overwhelming, keep reminding your child that they can manage these changes successfully, though it will take time and practice.

Some tips to help ease their academic concerns:

• If your child has an Individualized Education Program (IEP), meet with the middle school IEP team no later than the spring before your child enters the new school. Discuss the qualities of the “ideal” teacher for your child to help ensure the best placements.
• Meet with teachers early in the school year. Give them a profile of your child’s strengths and weaknesses.
• Encourage teachers to continue using strategies that have worked for your child in the past, such as writing homework assignments on the board, or assigning your child a “homework buddy” they can contact if they forget what assignments they have. If the school has a homework hotline, make sure your child knows how to use it.
• Help your child with time management skills. Work together on a schedule for study time, break time, chores, etc.
• Work out an organizational system with your child. Acknowledge and make allowances for their worry and anxiety; at first, they may need to carry everything for all classes all the time in order to feel prepared.
• Avoid overreacting to grades. Making sure your child gets a handle on how to meet the demands of the new school is the critical factor in the early weeks.
• Stay connected to your child’s school work. Try to teach your student to work more independently while supporting them enough to give and boost their confidence.
• Go to back-to-school night, open houses, parent-teacher conferences and other events where you can connect with your child’s teachers.
• Help your child be their own advocate. Encourage them to discuss problems and solutions with teachers on their own, but be ready to step in and help as needed.

The best way to help your child through this transition is to keep a positive attitude about middle school. You may remember how clueless, awkward, and self-conscious you felt at that age. Empathize with your child and normalize their experience. Reassure them that they will become more comfortable and confident with time. Remind your child that the school and the teachers want them to be successful and that they have what it takes to make it all work.

Most students make the adjustment to the routines and demands of middle school within a couple months. If your child is still struggling as fall gives way to winter, then a meeting with their counselor may be in order. Together, you, your student and the counselor can pinpoint specific trouble spots and brainstorm ways to get things on track.

Try to give your tween plenty of information about how things will work in middle school, but be careful not to overload them. Be proactive in sharing information with them while also encouraging them to ask questions.  The more they know up front, the more comfortable they will be on the first day, and beyond.

References

• Akos, Patrick. “Student perceptions of the transition from elementary to middle school.” Professional School Counseling, June 2002; 5(5):339-45
• Forgan, James W. “Adolescents with and without LD make the transition to middle school.” Journal of Learning Disabilities 2000; 33(1):33-43

The weather is warming up, warmer days are here, flowers are starting to bloom.  You know what this means?  Spring has sprung!  

Here are 50 ways to celebrate the spring season today!

The Great Outdoors

1. Plant something green
2. See the cherry blossoms
3. Have a picnic at the park
4. Find the first crocuses and snowdrops
5. Jog outside
6. Take a hike
7. Play softball
8. Ride a bike
9. Sit outside at a café
10. Visit a farm to see the animals
11. Walk on a deserted beach
12. Play a round of golf
13. Go horseback riding

Nostalgic

1. Fly a kite
2. Look for four-leaf clovers
3. Jump in puddles
4. Get dirt under your fingernails
5. Blow bubbles
6. Climb a tree
7. Find a playground and swing on the swings
8. Feed the ducks at a pond
9. Wade in a creek
10. Draw pictures on the sidewalk with chalk
11. Skip stones across a pond
12. Plan a spring break vacation

Eat and Drink

1. Roast a bunch of asparagus
2. Steam whole artichokes and eat them leaf by leaf
3. Bake cupcakes with pink (or lavender or yellow or baby blue) frosting
4. Eat a ripe apricot
5. Visit the farmers’ market and buy spinach and sugar snap peas
6. Pick strawberries
7. Eat jellybeans
8. Buy a package of Peeps
9. Mix up a pitcher of margaritas

Just Because

1. Listen to the rain
2. Watch bumblebees at work in a garden
3. Notice the trees budding
4. Spot a rainbow
5. Listen to the birds singing
6. Go bare-legged
7. Feel the sun on your face
8. Leave your windows open to catch a spring breeze
9. Pet a bunny
10. See all the Oscar-winning movies
11. Send someone other than your mom a Mother’s Day card
12. Wear open-toed shoes
13. Buy a fun umbrella
14. Visit the zoo
15. Decorate your home with fresh tulips and daffodils
16. Get caught in a spring shower

When one child in a family has difficulties that consume a lot of the family's attention, restrict family activities, or generate great concern, other children in the family may not get the attention that they deserve.  Siblings in families with special needs may feel a myriad of emotions such as sadness, disappointment, anger, or stress. Some siblings take care of themselves so that they are less of a burden to their family.

Here are some articles on ways to help support a sibling in a special needs family.  

1.  5 Ways to Support Siblings in Special Needs Families

2.  12 Ways to Support Siblings of Children with Disabilities

3.  10 Great Books if You Have Sibling with Special Needs

4. Supporting the Siblings of Special Needs Kids

So many of us ponder how we can be closer with those very important people in our lives; our VIP's. This might be a sibling, parent, boss, friend, spouse, or our own children. 

Here are some great TED talks on different ways to build meaningful connections with your VIP's.  The TED talks are about 15-20 minutes each so feel free to enjoy them all at once or sneak them in over a day or two.  Either way, they will help you to bridge some of those gaps in your VIP relationships and feel more connected.

We have all see and heard of the helicopter parent.  The parent who hovers and makes most all decisions for their child.  This article sheds light on why helicopter parenting is detrimental to your child and what you can actually do to foster independence and responsibility.

     We all know that getting a good night's sleep is very important.  Sleep helps to us to repair muscles, improve concentration, maintain health, maximize athletic performance, reduce the risk of heart disease and stroke, improve immunity, and consolidate learning, to name a few. 
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     Here are some articles that highlight behavioral strategies for getting a good night's sleep throughout the life span.

How To Create The Perfect Sleep Environment
for Your Child

The Best Discipline Strategies for Bedtime Behavioral Problems

Sleep Hygiene For Teens

14 Strategies for Sleeping Better

Sleep Tips for Older Adults

Sweet Dreams!

     The holiday season brings varied and complex emotions: joy and nostalgia, love and loneliness.  New research helps to explain how these feelings affect us- with some practical implications for making the season brighter and more meaningful.
 
     Some people go home for the holidays hoping just to survive, burying their attention in their phones or football to avoid conflict with relatives.  Yet research now suggests that is the incorrect idea.  Family rituals, of any form, can save a holiday, making it well worth the effort of getting everyone together in the same room.

     Some research has shown that people who practiced collective rituals compared with people who did not perform them, felt closer to their families, which made the holidays more interesting and in turn, made the holidays more enjoyable.  Most surprisingly, the types of rituals that people described in the research, such as family dinners with special foods, religious ceremonies, and watching the ball drop in Times Square, did not have a direct bearing on enjoyment.  But the number of rituals did!  Apparently, having family rituals makes the holidays better and the more, the merrier.

     During the holiday season, it is natural to feel a longing for times gone by, such as a childhood spent singing carols or meals spent with now departed loved ones.  Recently, scientists have explored the bittersweet feeling of nostalgia and found that it serves a positive function by improving our mood and possibly our mental health.  The researchers found that nostalgia boosted self-continuity by increasing a sense of social connection.  Sentimental recollections, looking at photographs, cooking certain meals, sharing stories or playing music, often include loved ones, which can remind us of a social web that extends across people and across time. 
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     If you are feeling a bit discombobulated over the holidays, pull out a photo album and spend some time revisiting your past and take the time to engage with family and friends over your favorite and treasured holiday rituals.  

         Can you remember who your best friend was in seventh grade? If you are having difficulty, it could be because relationships at that age are often short-lived. Half of them do not last a year. The friendships that do last can be predicted based on demographic and behavioral similarities.

     There is a lot of change during middle school, and that change makes it hard to maintain friendships.  As kids move from one academic track to another, join or leave sports teams, or take up new extracurricular hobbies, the opportunities to interact with friends wax and wane. Middle school is also a time when growing personal autonomy first allows children the chance to pick their friends and invest—or not—in those relationships.

     A study conducted at Florida Atlantic University tracked 573 seventh-grade dyadic friendships until they ended or until 12th grade. Popularity, aggression and academic success emerged as important behavioral traits of friendships.  The more similar two friends were in these traits, the longer a relationship lasted. 
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     This quick turnover in middle school friendships is nothing to be worried about unless a child has trouble making friends.  Adults who want to help those children might emphasize that finding peers who are similar in personality and academic interests are central to creating lasting relationships.  

Procrastination

     What makes some tasks harder than others to tackle?  It turns out the time allotted for the work matters less than how our minds perceives the deadline.  When a deadline feels like it is part of the present- say, within the current month, we are more likely to begin the task.

      Studies find that the brain divides time into discrete categories, with boundaries at the end of a moth or the start of a new year, for example.   To motivate yourself to start a task you are putting off, try thinking about time boundaries differently.  For a deadline next month, you might call it three weeks instead or design a new calendar for yourself that does not break up the months.  Research also suggests that dividing tasks into smaller, incremental steps with their own deadlines, will feel more immediate.

Impulsiveness

     Gazing at images of the great outdoors has been linked with a range of benefits, including pain relief, stress recovery, and mood improvement.  Now, research has shown that thinking of and looking at pictures of nature also helps to orient you to the future and reduce impulsivity.  Seeing nature or even pictures of nature makes us think more about the future.  When time is expanded, it is easier for people to imagine the future and this effect appears to lessen the draw of immediate temptations.  This is something to consider the next time you are at the office working late and your desire is to raid the fridge.  Watching the sunset or nature landscapes on your computer may help to keep you oriented towards the future and not the immediate temptation.

Performance Anxiety

     A pounding heart, rapid breathing, racing thoughts--is it anxiety or excitement?  New studies at Harvard University found that by interpreting these sensations as excitement instead of anxiety allowed people to perform better in three types of stressful situations: singing in front of strangers, speaking in public, and solving difficult math problems.  

       Most people try to calm down when facing high-stress situations, but that approach can backfire by increasing rumination about what could go wrong.  Instead choose to focus on the potential high points of the situation, such as looking forward to making colleagues laugh during a presentation or knowing how to solve some problems on a test.  Getting excited about how things can go well will give you confidence and energy and increase the likelihood that the positive outcomes you imagine will actually happen.