Parenting Stress and Quality Time:  What We Can Learn

How does stress reshape family time? A recent study by Bradley et al. (2023) explored how parenting stress affects quality time between caregivers and their autistic children. This research highlights a crucial relationship between caregiver stress and activities, enjoyment, and connection. It also offers valuable insights into ways to improve family dynamics.

Key Findings:
Stress reduces connection: Parents experiencing higher levels of stress spent less time engaging in shared activities with their autistic children. They were also less likely to feel connected to or in sync with them.

Enjoyment is impacted: Higher stress levels were also linked to decreased enjoyment for both parents and children during shared activities.

Age matters: Caregivers of younger children were more likely to report shared activities and feelings of connection compared to caregivers of teens. This is likely due to typical developmental changes, such as the need for increased autonomy, as teens grow.

Why This Matters
For families of autistic children, quality time isn’t just about being together - it plays a crucial role in creating positive relationships, reducing family stress, and supporting child development. However, when caregivers are under significant stress, these interactions may become strained or less frequent.

Practical Takeaways
Prioritize quality time: Finding ways to spend valued time together, like eating meals or playing a board game, can strengthen bonds. Even small moments make lasting memories!
Address caregiver stress: Tools such as mindfulness and talk therapy can reduce stress and improve parent-child interactions.

Focus on mutual enjoyment: Activities that both parents and children find enjoyable are importing to creating positive experiences and building connection, especially as children grow older.

What Can Help
Interactions like parent-child interaction therapy or mindfulness programs can improve communication, strengthen family relationships, and reduce stress for caregivers.

By addressing the stress parents face and promoting shared enjoyment, we can help create stronger, healthier family connections. These findings remind us of the importance of supporting both autistic children and their caregivers. Together, we can create a more understanding and connected world for autistic individuals and their families.

Click here for a link to the full article.  

Support from parents is key to helping kids do well academically. Here are 10 ways parents can put their kids on track to be successful students.

1. Attend Back-to-School Night and Parent-Teacher Conferences

Kids do better in school when parents are involved in their academic lives. Attending back-to-school night at the start of the school year is a great way to get to know your child's teachers and their expectations. 

Attending parent-teacher conferences is another way to stay informed. These are usually held once or twice a year at progress reporting periods. The conferences are a chance to start or continue conversations with your child's teacher, and discuss strategies to help your child do his or her best in class. Meeting with the teacher also lets your child know that what goes on in school will be shared at home.

If your child has special learning needs, additional meetings can be scheduled with teachers and other school staff to consider setting up or revising IEP's 504 educational plans, or gifted educational plans. 
Keep in mind that parents or guardians can request meetings with teachers, principals, school counselors, or other school staff any time during the school year.

2. Visit the School and Its Website

Knowing the physical layout of the school building and grounds can help you connect with your child when you talk about the school day. It's good to know the location of the main office, school nurse, cafeteria, gym, athletic fields, playgrounds, auditorium, and special classes.

On the school website, you can find information about:

• the school calendar
• staff contact information
• upcoming events like class trips
• testing dates

3. Support Homework Expectations

Homework in elementary school reinforces and extends classroom learning and helps kids practice important study skills. It also helps them develop a sense of responsibility and a work ethic that will benefit them beyond the classroom.

In addition to making sure your child knows that you see homework as a priority, you can help by creating an effective study environment. Any well-lit, comfortable, and quiet workspace with the necessary supplies will do. Avoiding distractions (like a TV  in the background) and setting up a start and end time can also help.

A good rule of thumb for an effective homework and/or study period is roughly 10 minutes per elementary grade level. Fourth-graders, for example, should expect to have about 40 minutes of homework or studying each school night. If you find that it's often taking significantly longer than this guideline, talk with your child's teacher.

While your child does homework, be available to interpret assignment instructions, offer guidance, answer questions, and review the completed work. But resist the urge to provide the correct answers or complete the assignments yourself. Learning from mistakes is part of the process and you don't want to take this away from your child.

4. Send Your Child to School Ready to Learn

A good night's sleep and a nutritious breakfast fuels up kids and gets them ready for the day. In general, kids who eat breakfast have more energy and do better in school. Kids who eat breakfast also are less likely to be absent and make fewer trips to the school nurse with stomach complaints related to hunger.

You can help boost your child's attention span, concentration, and memory by providing breakfast foods that are rich in whole grains, fiber, and protein, as well as low in added sugar. If your child is running late some mornings, send along fresh fruit, nuts, yogurt, or half a peanut butter and banana sandwich. Many schools provide nutritious breakfast options before the first bell.

Kids also need a good night of sleep to be alert and ready to learn all day. Most school-age kids need 10 to 12 hours of sleep a night. Bedtime difficulties can arise at this age for a variety of reasons. Homework, sports, after-school activities, TVs, computers, and video games, as well as hectic family schedules, can contribute to kids not getting enough sleep.

Lack of sleep can cause irritable or hyperactive behavior and might make it hard for kids to pay attention in class. It's important to have a consistent bedtime routine, especially on school nights. Be sure to leave enough time before bed to allow your child to unwind before lights out and limit stimulating diversions like TV and video games.

5. Teach Organizational Skills

When kids are organized, they can stay focused instead of spending time hunting things down and getting sidetracked.

Being organized in elementary school means having an assignment book and homework folder (many schools supply these) to keep track of homework and projects.

Check your child's assignment book and homework folder every school night so you are familiar with assignments and your child doesn't fall behind. Set up a bin for papers that you need to check or sign. Also, keep a special box or bin for completed and graded projects.

Talk to your child about keeping his or her school desk orderly so papers that need to come home don't get lost. Teach your child how to use a calendar or personal planner to help stay organized.

It's also helpful to teach your child how to make a to-do list to help prioritize and get things done. It can be as simple as:

1. homework
2. soccer
3. put clothes away

No one is born with great organizational skills — they need to be learned and practiced.

6. Teach Study Skills

Studying for a test can be scary for young kids, and many educators assume parents will help their kids during the grade-school years. Introducing your child to study skills now will pay off with good learning habits throughout life.

In elementary school, kids usually take end-of-unit tests in math, spelling, science, and social studies. Be sure to know when a test is scheduled so you can help your child study ahead of time rather than just the night before. You also might need to remind your child to bring home the right study materials, such as notes, study guides, or books.

Teach your child how to break down overall tasks into smaller, manageable chunks so preparing for a test isn't overwhelming. You also can introduce your child to tricks like mnemonic devices to help with recalling information. Remember that taking a break after a 45-minute study period is an important way to help kids process and remember information.

Your child probably will be introduced to standardized testing in elementary school. While students can't really study for standardized tests, some teachers provide practice tests to help ease students' worries.

In general, if studying and testing becomes a source of stress for your child, discuss the situation with the teacher or school counselor.

7. Know the Disciplinary Policies

Schools usually cite their disciplinary policies (sometimes called the student code of conduct) in student handbooks. The rules cover expectations, and consequences for not meeting the expectations, for things like student behavior, dress codes, use of electronic devices, and acceptable language.

The policies may include details about attendance, vandalism, cheating, fighting, and weapons. Many schools also have specific policies about bullying. It's helpful to know the school's definition of bullying, consequences for bullies, support for victims, and procedures for reporting bullying.

It's important for your child to know what's expected at school and that you'll support the school's consequences when expectations aren't met. It's easiest for students when school expectations match the ones at home, so kids see both environments as safe and caring places that work together as a team.

8. Get Involved

Whether kids are just starting kindergarten or entering their last year of elementary school, there are many good reasons for parents to volunteer at school. It's a great way for parents to show they're interested in their kids' education.

Many grade-schoolers like to see their parents at school or at school events. But follow your child's cues to find out how much interaction works for both of you. If your child seems uncomfortable with your presence at the school or with your involvement in an extracurricular activity, consider taking a more behind-the-scenes approach. Make it clear that you aren't there to spy — you're just trying to help out the school community.

Parents can get involved by:

• being a classroom helper or homeroom parent
• organizing and/or working at fundraising activities and other special events, like bake sales, car washes, and book fairs
• chaperoning field trips
• planning class parties
• attending school board meetings
• joining the school's parent-teacher group
• working as a library assistant
• reading a story to the class
• giving a talk for career day
• attending school concerts or plays

Check the school or teacher website to find volunteer opportunities that fit your schedule. Even giving a few hours during the school year can make a strong impression on your child.

9. Take Attendance Seriously

Of course, sick kids should stay home from school.  
Otherwise, it's important that kids arrive at school on time every day, because having to catch up with class work and homework can be stressful and interfere with learning.

If your child misses a lot of school due to illness,  make sure to check with the teacher about any work that needs to be completed. It's also a good idea to know the school's attendance policy.

Sometimes students want to stay home from school because of problems with classmates, assignments or grades, or even teachers. This can result in real symptoms, like headaches or stomachaches. If you think there's a problem at school, talk with your child — and then perhaps with the teacher — to find out more about what's causing the anxiety. The school counselor or  psychologist also might be able to help.

Also try to avoid late bedtimes, which can result in tardy and tired students. A consistent sleep schedule also can help students.

10. Make Time to Talk About School

It's usually easy to talk with elementary students about what's going on in class and the latest news at school. You probably know what books your child is reading and are familiar with the math being worked on. But parents can get busy and forget to ask the simple questions, which can have an effect on children's success at school.

Take time every day to talk to your child so he or she knows that what goes on at school is important to you. When kids know parents are interested in their academic lives, they'll take school seriously as well.

Because communication is a two-way street, the way you talk and listen to your child can influence how well your child listens and responds. It's important to listen carefully, make eye contact, and avoid multitasking while you talk. Be sure to ask questions that go beyond "yes" or "no" answers.

Besides during family meals, good times to talk include car trips (though eye contact isn't needed here, of course), walking the dog, preparing meals, or standing in line at a store.
​
These early years of schooling are an important time for parents to be informed and supportive about their child's education and to set the stage for children to develop and grow as young learners.

Here are some articles to empower parents who are raising children with autism.

1. Expert Ways to Help Tame Tantrums and Manage Meltdowns
2. How Nutrition Impacts Children With Autism
3. 8 solutions for a picky eater with autism and sensory food aversions
4. 15 Activities, Teaching Strategies, and Resources for Teaching Children with Autism
5. 13 Tips On How To Bathe A Child With Autism Easily
6. How to Help Your Child with Autism Cope During and After a Move
7. Sensory-Friendly Home Modifications for Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder
8. How to Make Exercise More Fun for Children with Autism​

Sleep is crucial for memory consolidation, mood regulation, and general well-being.  In children, sleep is key for developing healthy cognitive, behavioral  and physical functioning.

But up to 30% of children ages two to five and 15% of school-aged children have trouble falling asleep or sleeping through the night (National Sleep Foundation, 2004). And fewer than 33% of teenagers are getting enough sleep (CDC, 2018).  

The ideal amount of sleep for healthy functioning differs from one person to the next.  But research shows that maintaining a regular sleep-wake schedule is a part of good sleep hygiene, regardless of age.  Everything from light exposure to mealtimes can influence circadian rhythms and the release of hormones such as melatonin, and ultimately affect sleep.

Insufficient sleep can severely impair a child's functioning causing daytime fatigue, poor health and weaker immune function.  Sleep-deprived children can suffer from emotional disturbances and emotional regulation problems.  When kids are tired, you tend to see more irritability, grouchiness, and emotional highs and lows.  When teenagers get insufficient sleep, it can be tied to depressive symptoms, irritability, and even suicidal thoughts and actions.

Sleep Interventions
Insomnia is the most common problem pediatric sleep psychologists treat, but its presentation differs dramatically across age groups.  

Infants and Toddlers
For infants and toddlers up to age 3, insomnia usually occurs because children learn to rely on a particular stimuli (such as a parent rocking them to sleep) to fall asleep and then cannot sleep on their own, a problem known as "sleep-onset association."

Psychologists consider a sleep-onset association "positive" if it does not require a parent to be present, such as a pacifier or white noise machine.  On the other hand, a "negative" sleep-onset association, while not necessarily harmful, involves parent-child interaction, including feeding, rocking, or pushing the child in a stroller.  

The first line of defense for insomnia is to establish consistent schedules and routines.  Children should have consistent and appropriate bedtimes and wake times, a regular bedtime routine, and a comfortable sleep environment.  

Bedtime Resistance 

When children transition from a crib to a bed, behavioral insomnia can start to manifest as bedtime resistance.  The child may refuse to get into bed, leave the bed frequently, or throw tantrums.  Alternatively, the child may want to sleep and try to do so but cannot easily settle his or her mind and body.

A simple and effective intervention is for families to create a healthy bedtime routine of 3 to 5 quiet activities that take a total of 20 to 45 minutes.  The routine should start at the same time each night and should flow in one direction.  For example, from the kitchen to the bathroom to the bedroom and the activities should occur in the same order each night.  

Another approach is to use the "bedtime pass program," which reduces curtain calls.  A child receives 1 to 3 laminated passes permitting them to get out of bed for pre-approved activities such as a hug from a parent or a drink of water.  When the passes are gone, the child is no longer permitted to leave the bedroom.  The child is rewarded in the morning for any unused passes.  

Children respond very well to concrete limits  and the passes can help reduce anxiety at bedtime if they know they won't get in trouble for getting up. It is also helpful for parents to know when to put their foot down.

Teens and Sleep

The most common sleep problems for teenagers are delayed sleep-wake phase disorders and insomnia.  Adolescents with a delayed circadian rhythm can sleep well on a delayed schedule, from 2 a.m. to 11 a.m., but they struggle to sleep on a more traditional schedule that allows them to wake up early enough to attend school.  

Sleep psychologists typically use an approach called phase advance therapy to treat delayed sleep-wake phase disorder.  Cognitive-behavioral therapies for insomina (CBTI) can also help teens and older children who have trouble settling their minds and bodies to fall asleep. 

​As more testing is finally being done and we learn more and more about the spread of the coronavirus (COVID-19), it's becoming clearer that the situation we are all in will last for, at least, the next few months.  
 
​To help your child through the next few months, here are some tips:

First, spend time together as a family.  Bake a cake, have a dance party, do a puzzle together, go for a walk in your neighborhood while maintaining social distance of 6 feet, read a book together, watch a movie as a family, wash the car together, make up stories, laugh, play, and enjoy each other's company.

Second, allow and encourage feelings to be expressed.  It's important to help children express their feelings and make sure you listen and help them expand on what they are sharing. It's also important for children to hear parents express their feelings in a manner that they can process.

Third, reassurance is key. Once we've listened to a child, and tried to fully hear them out, then we should reassure them.  Reassuring someone without listening to them first is not as effective.

Fourth, encourage your child to help others. When children are able to help others, it makes them feel more in control of the world around them. They are no longer helpless, but instead, they're giving help to others. This helps children develop confidence, and it makes them feel proactive in the best of times and in the most difficult situations. 

First love is an unparalleled phenomenon. Nothing can match it in terms of excitement, energy, and positive feelings. Romantic relationships expand adolescents’ social lives as they now spend more time with their boyfriend’s or girlfriends’s social group as well as their own.  They gain an intimate best friend, which needs their increasing friendship and intimacy demands. Teenagers now have someone they are open with and who is reciprocally open with them. They are deeply concerned with one another‘s well-being, which simultaneously feels good and somewhat cracks through their necessarily egocentric world. Trust and compassion are built up through their relationship.

As a parent, you hope that your child feels cared for, listened to, and respected as they navigate their romantic and sexual experiences.  It can be very difficult for parents to talk with their teenagers about this new uncharted territory.  In an ideal world, the road to sex is paved with lots of information and conversation about its mechanical and emotional aspects. Parents play important roles in many of the conversations. If you are too shy or embarrassed to talk about it yourself, you still need to make sure these conversations are taking place.

With this in mind, here are two podcasts that might help to open up the dialogue and increase your comfort level.

Mindshift: The Puberty Lady

Mindshift: Questions Boys Ask About Puberty

The most important thing is to start having these conversations with your children and to keep the dialogue open.
​

Ah, middle school. Though your child may barely be entering puberty and may still be a pre-teen, the transition to middle school is a big step on the road to maturity. A big, scary step. Regardless of what specific grade marks the beginning of junior high or middle school in your community, your child will be both excited and afraid. Researchers have found that students anticipating the move to middle school worry about three aspects of the change: logistical, social, and academic. Your child with learning or attention difficulties shares the same worries as their peers, and may be afraid the change will be even harder for them.

While you won’t be able to calm your child’s fears completely, with some advance planning and open discussions you can substantially ease their mind. The first step is understanding what may worry your child.

Logistical Concerns

When researchers asked kids what aspect of moving to middle school most concerned them, the top answers related to how things at the new school worked (Akos, 2002). How would they find the right classroom? What happened if they were tardy? Where was the cafeteria? What about the bathrooms?

Middle school is a much more complex environment than grade school. The campus is larger, there are more students, and instead of one teacher and one classroom, your child will have a separate instructor and classroom, for each subject or block of subjects (e.g., language arts/social studies or math/science). It’s no wonder kids worry about finding their way in this new world.

For your student with learning or attention problems, understanding the rules and procedures of the new school may be even more important. The challenge of navigating multiple transitions between classes and organizing books and materials for every subject may be all she can handle in the first few weeks.

Here are some strategies for helping your child make a smoother transition to middle school:

• Explore the school’s website with your child. Search for announcements, schedules, and events.
• Accompany your child on campus tours and orientations offered to parents and incoming students. The better you understand the school layout and rules, the more you can help your child.
• Get a map of the campus and take your child to explore. Pick a time after school in the spring or in the days just before school starts in the fall. Be sure to check in with the school office to get an okay for your explorations.
• Include a couple of your child’s friends on campus treks. They can boost each other’s memory about where things are when school starts.
• Take advantage of summer programs — academic or recreational — offered at the new school for incoming students. Your child will get the feel for the campus in a much more relaxed atmosphere.
• If you can, get a copy of your child’s class schedule and mark the location of their locker and each classroom and bathroom on the school map. Tape both of these inside their binder and locker.  If your child has trouble reading maps, walk the route between classes with them — more than once, if necessary — and note landmarks that your child can use to navigate.
• Find out the length of the passing period between classes. Time it out for your child. Demonstrate how far they can walk in that amount of time.
• Get a copy of the student handbook. Review rules and requirements — especially the school’s code of conduct, which describes consequences for violations of the most important rules. Ask the school staff questions about anything that is unclear.
• Buy your child a lock for her locker several weeks before school starts to give them plenty of time to practice opening and closing it. (Note: Consider whether a combination or keyed lock is best for your child.)  In some schools, this will not be feasible as the lockers come with built-in locks.  Your child might feel anxious dealing with a lock, especially a combination lock, for the first time.
• Make sure your child has an easy-to-read wristwatch so they can quickly see if they need to hurry to be on time to class. 

Social Fears

Another area of worry for students moving to middle school is the social scene. Will I see anyone I know? Will it be hard to make friends? Will I have to eat lunch alone? Are the older kids bullies?
​
Your child is moving from the top of the elementary school heap to the bottom rung of the middle school social ladder.  They may have heard that the older students tease or bully the younger ones. They know for sure that they and their best friends are unlikely to be in every single class together, and, even worse, there may be classes where they don’t know anyone at all on the first day. And if your child with learning or attention problems struggles to make friends anyway, then this all adds up to a potential social nightmare.

Remember that, in addition to changing schools, your child is entering adolescence, a stage when kids start to rely much more on peers and pull away from parents. This is a time when being part of a group is very important and being perceived as different can be devastating. It’s not surprising that finding friends in the new school is a top priority.

The good news is that the more varied social environment also offers many opportunities to meet people. Being in multiple classes each day means your student is surrounded by more potential friends. The better news is that, once students are settled into middle school, they report that friendships and the social scene are among the best things about school (Akos, 2002: Forgan, 2000).

Some things that you can do to ease the social transition:

• Encourage your child to join sports teams, clubs, or other extracurricular activities.
• Ease any loneliness in the early weeks of school by helping your child arrange weekend social activities with neighborhood, church, or grade school friends.
• Encourage your child to join group conversations. Discuss how to join in without interrupting, to add something relevant to conversation in progress, etc.
• Talk about traits that make a good friend (such as being a good listener).
• Talk about social skills. Discuss how words and actions can affect other people.
• Practice skills needed for difficult social situations.
• Remind your child to make eye contact when speaking or listening.

Academic Concerns

Though most students worry more about the logistical and social aspects of middle school before they get there, once settled in, academic concerns rise to the surface. Will the classes be too difficult? Will there be too much homework? Are the teachers hard graders?

It’s quite typical for students’ academic performance to drop upon entering middle school. Along with everything else that’s going on – roller coaster emotions, physical changes, and social upheaval – your child is also coping with harder classes, more homework, and a whole new set of academic expectations. Middle school teachers don’t form the close bonds with students that your child enjoyed in grade school. There is less small group and personalized instruction. Teachers expect students to take charge of assignments and projects with less day-to-day guidance.

For a student with learning or attention difficulties, these changes can come as quite a shock. Teachers may vary in their willingness to understand and accommodate your child’s learning needs. Organization and time management demands rise to a new level. Though it can seem overwhelming, keep reminding your child that they can manage these changes successfully, though it will take time and practice.

Some tips to help ease their academic concerns:

• If your child has an Individualized Education Program (IEP), meet with the middle school IEP team no later than the spring before your child enters the new school. Discuss the qualities of the “ideal” teacher for your child to help ensure the best placements.
• Meet with teachers early in the school year. Give them a profile of your child’s strengths and weaknesses.
• Encourage teachers to continue using strategies that have worked for your child in the past, such as writing homework assignments on the board, or assigning your child a “homework buddy” they can contact if they forget what assignments they have. If the school has a homework hotline, make sure your child knows how to use it.
• Help your child with time management skills. Work together on a schedule for study time, break time, chores, etc.
• Work out an organizational system with your child. Acknowledge and make allowances for their worry and anxiety; at first, they may need to carry everything for all classes all the time in order to feel prepared.
• Avoid overreacting to grades. Making sure your child gets a handle on how to meet the demands of the new school is the critical factor in the early weeks.
• Stay connected to your child’s school work. Try to teach your student to work more independently while supporting them enough to give and boost their confidence.
• Go to back-to-school night, open houses, parent-teacher conferences and other events where you can connect with your child’s teachers.
• Help your child be their own advocate. Encourage them to discuss problems and solutions with teachers on their own, but be ready to step in and help as needed.

The best way to help your child through this transition is to keep a positive attitude about middle school. You may remember how clueless, awkward, and self-conscious you felt at that age. Empathize with your child and normalize their experience. Reassure them that they will become more comfortable and confident with time. Remind your child that the school and the teachers want them to be successful and that they have what it takes to make it all work.

Most students make the adjustment to the routines and demands of middle school within a couple months. If your child is still struggling as fall gives way to winter, then a meeting with their counselor may be in order. Together, you, your student and the counselor can pinpoint specific trouble spots and brainstorm ways to get things on track.

Try to give your tween plenty of information about how things will work in middle school, but be careful not to overload them. Be proactive in sharing information with them while also encouraging them to ask questions.  The more they know up front, the more comfortable they will be on the first day, and beyond.

References

• Akos, Patrick. “Student perceptions of the transition from elementary to middle school.” Professional School Counseling, June 2002; 5(5):339-45
• Forgan, James W. “Adolescents with and without LD make the transition to middle school.” Journal of Learning Disabilities 2000; 33(1):33-43