According to a 2017 Harvard study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, asking a question and then asking at least two follow-up questions will dramatically increase how likable you are.
We converse with others to learn what they know, their information, stories, preferences, ideas, thoughts, and feelings, as well as what we know while managing others' perceptions of us. When we ask more questions, we are perceived as higher in responsiveness, an interpersonal construct that captures listening, understanding, validation, and care.
Asking a few questions, and actually listening to the answers, and people will like you more. It sounds too good to be true, but it is.
Around 40% of our everyday speech is spent telling other people about our subjective experiences. Not facts or instructions or outcome-based conversations, which account for another chunk of our everyday speech, but what we think or feel. Talking about ourselves, whether in person or on social media, increases activity in brain regions associated with the sense of reward and satisfaction gained from food, money, or sex.
We want and need to talk about ourselves. Therefore, when you actively help other people talk about themselves, they will see you as a great conversationalist. They will feel better about themselves, because they will feel like you care about them.
Say you meet someone new. As soon as you learn a little about them, ask how they did or do it? How they felt? Or what they like about it, learned from it, or what advice they might have? Asking at least two follow-up questions shows you respect the other person's experiences, knowledge, opinions, etc. You respect them as a person. This makes you a more likable person and helps to build the foundation for a genuine relationship.
We converse with others to learn what they know, their information, stories, preferences, ideas, thoughts, and feelings, as well as what we know while managing others' perceptions of us. When we ask more questions, we are perceived as higher in responsiveness, an interpersonal construct that captures listening, understanding, validation, and care.
Asking a few questions, and actually listening to the answers, and people will like you more. It sounds too good to be true, but it is.
Around 40% of our everyday speech is spent telling other people about our subjective experiences. Not facts or instructions or outcome-based conversations, which account for another chunk of our everyday speech, but what we think or feel. Talking about ourselves, whether in person or on social media, increases activity in brain regions associated with the sense of reward and satisfaction gained from food, money, or sex.
We want and need to talk about ourselves. Therefore, when you actively help other people talk about themselves, they will see you as a great conversationalist. They will feel better about themselves, because they will feel like you care about them.
Say you meet someone new. As soon as you learn a little about them, ask how they did or do it? How they felt? Or what they like about it, learned from it, or what advice they might have? Asking at least two follow-up questions shows you respect the other person's experiences, knowledge, opinions, etc. You respect them as a person. This makes you a more likable person and helps to build the foundation for a genuine relationship.
