October is upon us!  And at the end of this month, it will be Halloween.  For most children, this is a fun holiday to dress up, imagine you are someone else, and go trick-or-treating!  For those of you who give out candy, you will get to see the cool costumes of the season and hear the laughter of children. Some families will participate in neighborhood activities as well.  

For the child with special needs, Halloween can be fun but it can also be challenging.  For the anxious child, Halloween can be hard because they might be fearful or shy with strangers or in groups.  For the child with sensory processing disorder, the loud noises of Halloween or their costume can be hard to tolerate.  For the nonverbal child, they will not be able to verbally say "Trick or Treat" or "Thank you!"  For the child with autism, Halloween can be challenging because of the costumes, loud noises, change in routine, and social demands.

If you anticipate that your child with special needs may have a challenging time with Halloween, there are some things that you can do.

Tips for parents

1.  Prepare!  In the weeks leading up to Halloween, have your child wear their costume around the house.  Have them practice saying, "Trick or Treat!" if they are verbal.   Maybe consider writing a social story for the child with autism and read it daily with them.  Social Stories, which were created by Carol Gray, gives children very specific information about what they should expect and how to respond in a variety of situations.  An example of a social story for Halloween can be found here:  http://www.autismsocialstories.com/Halloween/.

2.  Read Books about Halloween.  Reading books about Halloween is an easy way to start talking about Halloween and to discuss stories, ideas, and to share ideas.

3.  To Wear or Not to Wear: The Halloween Costume.  If your child refused to wear a scratchy costume, something in their hair, or face paint, don't worry about it and don't force it.  The day should be about having fun together.

4.  Trick or Treat!  Many children with autism have dietary restrictions or very selective food preferences.   Friends and neighbors can give out inexpensive, yet inedible treats like stickers or squishy balls.  As a parent, you could even visit your neighbors before the big night and leave them something that they can give your child that you know the child will enjoy. That also gives you the opportunity to let your neighbors know that you’re going to be trick-or-treating with your child with special needs. You can explain it’s their first time (or not) and you’re unsure how it will go, but are excited to give it a try and would appreciate their patience.

5.  Keep it in perspective!  It's best to let your child lead in terms of how long they can trick-or-treat for.  If your child is done after 20 minutes, then so be it and head home.

Tips for the Ones Giving Out Candy

• Don’t assume a child is rude because he or she snubs your candy bowl; they may have an allergy or be diabetic and knows better than to put his or her hand in with all those Snickers.
• If a child grabs more than one candy, they may have poor fine motor skills.
• The child who takes forever to pick out one piece of candy may have motor planning issues.
• Likewise, don’t assume an “old enough” child has no manners because he or she doesn’t say thank you; they may be nonverbal or extremely shy.
• The child who runs into your home may not understand the difference between their home and yours and means you no harm. They probably see something in your house that they really like, such as your collection of Disney DVD's. 
• Make sure pathways are clear and well lit. Just because you don’t take the side path doesn’t mean an eager trick-or-treater won’t, so take an extra moment to put away rakes and hoses.
• If your home has steps leading to the door, consider setting up a candy bowl at sidewalk level with a sign inviting children who might not be able to navigate the stairs or may be in a wheelchair. Don’t want to miss the interaction? Set up camp on your patio, and greet children as they come up the walk.

​Make your own tradition this year, one of acceptance and patience. This fresh perspective may mean the difference between a frightening, stressful holiday and one full of happy memories.

Summer is finally upon us!  The days are longer and the weather in the Bay Area is gorgeous.  You are probably getting invites to a friend's pool party or a company barbecue.  Parties are supposed to be fun. But for shy individuals or anyone who gets anxious, trying to start a conversation in a room full of strangers can be a harrowing experience.  Don't fret!  With the right tricks, you can not only survive, but actually enjoy yourself.  

How do you mingle? How do you fit in? For shy people, introverted or extroverted, this scenario can be a nightmare. It might not even be a party. It could be a workshop, a networking event, or any other situation in which everyone seems to know someone but you. Here are a few tips and methods to help ease the anxiety—and maybe even have a little fun.

1.  Offer to Help The Host

At parties, this tip can be a lifesaver. Once you arrive, find the host, and offer your help. It’s a polite gesture, and it gives you something to do. Even if the host doesn’t need any help, he or she may sense your apprehension and give you a task to keep busy. A good host will probably also introduce you to a few people so you can get the conversation going.

Ask to chop some veggies, plate some food, or play bartender. It’ll keep you occupied, you won’t feel as awkward, and it will get your mind off the stress.

Another idea is to bring something that needs to be prepared.  This automatically gives you something to do once you arrive. You don’t want to spend the whole night making a cake from scratch, but a little guacamole won’t take long, and it gives you a chance to ease into the party. It might even be a good ice breaker; people may wonder what you’ve brought. You can explain to them what it is, what you’re doing, and how they can make it themselves.

2. Brush Up On Your Conversational Skills

For most people, small talk is not very fun or engaging. But we have to start somewhere. Here are a few tried-and-true ways to break the ice:

• Ask a question: This is an easy way to start a conversation, because the response is necessary. Make sure it’s an open-ended question that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” Or, if it can be answered with a simple yes or no, make sure it allows for a follow-up.
• Compliments: When you compliment someone, they’ll often compliment you back, and this gets a conversation going. You can also ask a question after the compliment. “Nice earrings. Where’d you get them?”
• Occasion, Location: Use the “Occasion, Location” rule to kick start a conversation. Ask about the occasion or the location of the event. You probably don’t want to go with the cliche, “come here often?” But “have you ever been here?” might work. “How do you know the host” is always a good one, too.

After that initial ice breaker, it might be time to extend the conversation to the next level. Here’s how to make this happen:

• Share small details until one of them sticks: Once you’ve gauged each others’ interest with a bit of small talk, you’ll probably find there’s one topic that piques both your interests a little more than the others. Latch onto it and dive a little deeper.
• Give specific answers: A great way to boost the conversation after a cliche ice breaker is to give a non-cliche answer. If someone asks “what do you do?” for example, come up with a specific answer. Maybe it’s a story about your job or an example of what you do on a day-to-day basis. If someone asks, “How do you know the host?” you might tell a funny anecdote about how you met. This gives the conversation more room to progress than the expected, “we went to college together.”
• Arm yourself with relevant topics: Whether it’s current events, or just some fun background about the event, prepare yourself with a couple of interesting topics, then find a way to weave them into the conversation.

After you've got the  conversation going, try some of these tips to prevent the chat from becoming stale or going south:

• React to what a person says in the spirit in which that that comment was offered: If they tell you a lighthearted joke, respond lightheartedly. This keeps the conversation enjoyable and simpatico.
• Ask “getting-to-know you” questions: It’s important to ask the right questions. You want to get to know the person you’re talking to, but make sure the questions you’re asking are also relevant and appropriate. Take a genuine interest in learning about the person.
• Don’t dominate the conversation: This is probably a no-brainer for shy folks, but sometimes it’s easy to start rambling when you’re afraid of any awkward silence. If the other person hasn’t said anything in a while, it’s time to stop and check yourself. If someone feels they’re in a one-way conversation, they’re probably thinking about how to bail.

Going to a party or event alone sounds intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. Prepare yourself with a few methods for starting a conversation, and you’ll be fine. Once you find just one person to talk to, the whole situation becomes a lot easier. After a while, you may even forget about how awkward you felt and start to enjoy yourself.