Here we are six months into the shelter-in-place due to the COVID-19 pandemic.  Here are some fun and stimulating ways to get those mental gears moving during the Fall of 2020.
















​1.  Study a new language
Now is an excellent time to focus your attention on learning a new language.  With today's technology, learning a new language is easier than ever!  There are several free apps, like Duolingo and Babbel,  that help you to learn a new language.  All you need to do is select the app, download it, select the language you are most interested in learning, and dedicate some time each day to learning it. 

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2.  Start a new workout routine
Believe it or not, a great daily workout can help stimulate the mind.  Not only will you keep your brain active, but you will keep your body healthy and moving while sheltering at home.  Yoga, sprints, learning new dance moves, walking, biking, kayaking, tennis are all great options.  Make it fun!  
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3.  Make some tea or hot chocolate
and work on a puzzle
Whether you prefer a rousing game of Sudoku or you are a master chess player, playing games helps to keep your mind stimulated and active.  Doing different puzzles will encourage you to use your brain in new ways.  

4.  Get outside
As we all know, fresh air and communing in nature is healthy for our minds, bodies, and souls.  Go for a nature walk and photograph interesting plants, explore a new nearby trail, do some gardening, or plant some new flowers or vegetables.

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5.  Give yourself permission to relax
While this may not seem like a way to stimulate your mind, rest is essential to mental stimulation and creativity.  Take a soothing bath, an afternoon nap, meditate for 10-15 minutes, or listen to relaxing acoustic music and find your mind and body rejuvenated.

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Sleep is crucial for memory consolidation, mood regulation, and general well-being.  In children, sleep is key for developing healthy cognitive, behavioral  and physical functioning.

But up to 30% of children ages two to five and 15% of school-aged children have trouble falling asleep or sleeping through the night (National Sleep Foundation, 2004). And fewer than 33% of teenagers are getting enough sleep (CDC, 2018).  

The ideal amount of sleep for healthy functioning differs from one person to the next.  But research shows that maintaining a regular sleep-wake schedule is a part of good sleep hygiene, regardless of age.  Everything from light exposure to mealtimes can influence circadian rhythms and the release of hormones such as melatonin, and ultimately affect sleep.

Insufficient sleep can severely impair a child's functioning causing daytime fatigue, poor health and weaker immune function.  Sleep-deprived children can suffer from emotional disturbances and emotional regulation problems.  When kids are tired, you tend to see more irritability, grouchiness, and emotional highs and lows.  When teenagers get insufficient sleep, it can be tied to depressive symptoms, irritability, and even suicidal thoughts and actions.

Sleep Interventions
Insomnia is the most common problem pediatric sleep psychologists treat, but its presentation differs dramatically across age groups.  

Infants and Toddlers
For infants and toddlers up to age 3, insomnia usually occurs because children learn to rely on a particular stimuli (such as a parent rocking them to sleep) to fall asleep and then cannot sleep on their own, a problem known as "sleep-onset association."

Psychologists consider a sleep-onset association "positive" if it does not require a parent to be present, such as a pacifier or white noise machine.  On the other hand, a "negative" sleep-onset association, while not necessarily harmful, involves parent-child interaction, including feeding, rocking, or pushing the child in a stroller.  

The first line of defense for insomnia is to establish consistent schedules and routines.  Children should have consistent and appropriate bedtimes and wake times, a regular bedtime routine, and a comfortable sleep environment.  

Bedtime Resistance 

When children transition from a crib to a bed, behavioral insomnia can start to manifest as bedtime resistance.  The child may refuse to get into bed, leave the bed frequently, or throw tantrums.  Alternatively, the child may want to sleep and try to do so but cannot easily settle his or her mind and body.

A simple and effective intervention is for families to create a healthy bedtime routine of 3 to 5 quiet activities that take a total of 20 to 45 minutes.  The routine should start at the same time each night and should flow in one direction.  For example, from the kitchen to the bathroom to the bedroom and the activities should occur in the same order each night.  

Another approach is to use the "bedtime pass program," which reduces curtain calls.  A child receives 1 to 3 laminated passes permitting them to get out of bed for pre-approved activities such as a hug from a parent or a drink of water.  When the passes are gone, the child is no longer permitted to leave the bedroom.  The child is rewarded in the morning for any unused passes.  

Children respond very well to concrete limits  and the passes can help reduce anxiety at bedtime if they know they won't get in trouble for getting up. It is also helpful for parents to know when to put their foot down.

Teens and Sleep

The most common sleep problems for teenagers are delayed sleep-wake phase disorders and insomnia.  Adolescents with a delayed circadian rhythm can sleep well on a delayed schedule, from 2 a.m. to 11 a.m., but they struggle to sleep on a more traditional schedule that allows them to wake up early enough to attend school.  

Sleep psychologists typically use an approach called phase advance therapy to treat delayed sleep-wake phase disorder.  Cognitive-behavioral therapies for insomina (CBTI) can also help teens and older children who have trouble settling their minds and bodies to fall asleep. 

During the COVID-19 pandemic, here are 55 fun and useful skills to teach your children and teenagers while we continue to shelter in place.  

Stay safe and healthy!

1. Write a letter
2.  Care for a pet
3.  Make a phone call
4.  Leave a voicemail
5.  Take a phone message
6.  Sew a button
7.  Select a thoughtful gift
8.  Admit a mistake with grace
9.  Converse with an elder
10.  Set the table
11.  Clear the table
12.  Load and unload the dishwasher
13.  Give someone the benefit of the doubt
14.  Iron a shirt
15.  Introduce themselves
16.  Hammer a nail
17.  Have good table manners
18.  Change a light bulb
19.  Make scrambled eggs
20.  Balance a checkbook
21.  Do the laundry
22.  Fix something
23.  Garden
24.  Open, close and lock windows and doors 
25.  Weigh the pros and cons
26.  Dust
27.  Use a fire extinguisher
28.  Make a healthy salad
29.  Write a thank you note
30.  Make a smoothie
31.  Clean the refrigerator
32.  Vacuum
33.  Hang a picture
34. Clean the bathroom, including the toilet and tub.
35.  Budget their money
36.  Save money
37.  Notice the needs of others
38.  Read a recipe
39.  Play with a baby
40.  Genuinely apologize
41.  Plan a healthy meal
42.  Wash dishes
43.  Clean the kitchen
44.  Refill a stapler
45.  Write a check
46.  Put air in a flat bike or car tire
47.  Change a flat tire
48.  Pump gas
49.  Read a map
50.  Find a book at the library
51.  Check tire pressure
52.  Seek help from an experienced person
53.  Ask questions to get to know someone better
54.  Wait and save for something
55.  Fold the laundry

​As more testing is finally being done and we learn more and more about the spread of the coronavirus (COVID-19), it's becoming clearer that the situation we are all in will last for, at least, the next few months.  
 
​To help your child through the next few months, here are some tips:

First, spend time together as a family.  Bake a cake, have a dance party, do a puzzle together, go for a walk in your neighborhood while maintaining social distance of 6 feet, read a book together, watch a movie as a family, wash the car together, make up stories, laugh, play, and enjoy each other's company.

Second, allow and encourage feelings to be expressed.  It's important to help children express their feelings and make sure you listen and help them expand on what they are sharing. It's also important for children to hear parents express their feelings in a manner that they can process.

Third, reassurance is key. Once we've listened to a child, and tried to fully hear them out, then we should reassure them.  Reassuring someone without listening to them first is not as effective.

Fourth, encourage your child to help others. When children are able to help others, it makes them feel more in control of the world around them. They are no longer helpless, but instead, they're giving help to others. This helps children develop confidence, and it makes them feel proactive in the best of times and in the most difficult situations. 

Thank you to the kind reader who sent me the following links all about helping your child with autism to connect with their friends and join in on social activities such as birthday parties.

So, bust out the shaving cream, grab the dried rice, beans, and corn, and make your own fun!

7 Sensory Play Activities for Children on the Spectrum

How to Create the Ultimate Playroom for a Child With Autism

How to Explain Autism to Neurotypical Kids

How to Help Your Child with Autism Fit in Socially

Sensory Friendly Birthday Parties for Children with Autism

Some kids acclimate quickly to new situations. They express excitement about meeting their new classmates at the start of the school year, jump right into the mix at birthday parties, and easily adapt if and when their regular routine is disrupted. For other kids, change is challenging. If your child fits into this latter category, you have a tougher job as a parent. Here are some tips for supporting the child who is behaviorally inhibited, struggles with transitions, and shies away in the face of new people and places.

Avoid Avoidance

What do you do when your child backs out of a playdate the night before because he's too scared to go to his friend's house?  As a parent, it's very tempting to call the other parent and cancel; but research shows that avoidance breeds more avoidance. By letting your child stay home, you would be telling him or her, "You can't handle it." Instead, try gradually building up to the playdate by setting smaller goals and praising each step along the way.   For example, you might sit down with your child and outline a "bravery chart" with smaller steps leading to the ultimate goal of the playdate; he or she could start with a playdate in your home, then in the friend's home with you present, then a short one alone, etc.

Model Calm

When your child is crying hysterically and shaking, it's easy to get anxious, frustrated, angry, discouraged, embarrassed or all of the above. It's even easier to lose it when you share some of your child's anxieties (read: "maybe something bad will happen to him or her  if I leave him or her there"). But in the face of uncertainty, kids look to their parents as guides, and they can be perceptive little individuals. Try to model calm and confidence through the tone and volume of your voice, your body language, and your facial expressions, even when you want to pull your hair out. Think of a few things that are relaxing to you (breathing, counting, using self-validating thoughts like, "this is just my anxiety, my child is ok," and imagining vacation scenes far, far away) and try them--repeatedly--until you find one that takes the edge off. When all else fails, faking it works too.

Refocus Attention on Approach (i.e., "Brave") Behavior

It's surprisingly easy to get stuck focusing on kids' anxious behaviors and reassuring them in relation to their fears. Yet reassurance tends to just reinforce anxiety. Instead, it's important to acknowledge the emotion and then refocus your attention and praise on brave behaviors or even small efforts toward brave behavior. For example, after acknowledging your child's anxiety, try to shift the emphasis by saying something like, "It sounds like you are feeling really afraid of going to Sam's house. What are two brave steps you could take to combat your fear?"

Seek Help if the Anxiety Takes Over
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If your child's anxiety seems to be pervading one or more areas, including school, relationships, or extracurricular activities, and has begun to interfere with his or her functioning, you should get help for your child from a professional.  

In the Bay Area, I am here to help children and teenagers who are struggling with anxiety.  Please contact me to obtain professional help for your child or teenager.

Being and practicing mindfulness for children, teenagers, and adults has been shown to improve attention, reduce stress and anxiety, increase your ability to regulate your emotions and feel more compassion for yourself and others.  There is remarkable evidence that shows that when you do things like mindfulness and relaxation training and yoga, that you are setting your body up to not express certain genes that could cause a lot of illness and disease in people. 

​While there are several apps to help children and teenagers to improve their mindfulness, there are also some great books and resources that children and teenagers might also benefit from reading.

1.  Sitting Still Like a Frog by Eline Snel

2.  The ABC's of Yoga for Kids by Teresa Power

3. The Yoga Game: By the Sea by Kathy Beliveau

4.  The Mindful Child: How to Help Your Kid Manage Stress and Become Happier, Kinder, and More Compassionate by Susan Greenland

5. Little Flower Yoga for Kids: A Yoga and Mindfulness Program to Help Your Child Improve Attention and Emotional Balance by Jennifer Harper

6.  Yoga Pretzels by Tara Guber and Leah Kalish

Thank you to the reader who sent me these fantastic articles about vacation ideas for children with special needs.  Whether you plan a staycation or a vacation, enjoy it with your family, friends, and loved ones.

32 Vacation Destinations for Individuals with Special Needs

Finding the Right Hotel for Your Child with Special Needs

Backyard Camping for Kids with Disabilities

Playground Tips for Children with Special Needs

Teaching Swimming to Children with Disabilities: Benefits and Safety Precautions

The Best Bikes for Special Needs Kids

No matter how confident your child is at the prospect of starting middle school, chances are there's something about it that has them scared silly. What concerns kids most—and how can parents help them work through their fears? An informal survey of parents, students, and experts who work with adolescents turned up the following:

• Combination locks. Many a preteen is terrified that they won't be able to get their locker open. As a result, they will be stuck with no place to put their books, or they will not be able to retrieve needed materials for the next class or at the end of the day.  What you can do: First, understand that this fear isn't completely unfounded, as students have limited time between classes. Try buying your preteen a combination lock over the summer to practice on, or see if the school will allow your child to come try the lockers out before the start of the school year.
• Being late for class. Yes, preteens have loads of energy, but even they find it challenging to move from class to class on time. The consequence for lateness can be detention. No kid wants to get in trouble because they weren't fast enough!  What you can do: Reassure your child that they are not alone. Brainstorm ways to streamline the process. What will they do if they are not sure where a particular class is located? Who can they ask for directions (for example, the teacher of a previous class, or an advisor)? Is your child good at keeping their books and papers organized? If not, help them to organize their binders and books so they don't waste precious minutes between classes.  And remind your child that they will have to save socializing for lunchtime or after school.
• Not having friends.  Often children worry at the start of middle school about making friends. Middle school can be an especially difficult time for girls, given the rotating nature of girls' friendships, the emergence of queen bees, and the shifting social order.  What you can do: Try to focus on this time of new beginnings. You might ask, "Do you know anyone from your old school who is going to be there?" If your child scoffs at your attempts to identify potentially friendly faces in the crowd, try to identify their fears and put them in perspective. You might say, "You had friends at your old school, what do you imagine might happen that you wouldn't you be able to make friends at the new one?" or "Are you worried that the kids from your elementary school won't want to be friends anymore?" Don't feel like you have to supply a steady stream of solutions. Sometimes it helps kids just to voice their fears to a sympathetic listener.
• Being too different. Nothing is worse for middle schoolers than standing out in a way they haven't chosen, which means anything at the far end of the "normal" curve. For a girl, it could mean being the tallest in the class or the most developed; for a boy, it could mean being the shortest or the clumsiest. At some schools, fashion is the arbiter of all things cool, and middle schoolers may live in dread of showing up with the wrong backpack, brand of jeans, or style of shoes.
  What you can do: First, understand that the tween years are a stage that marks the beginning of their search for an identity. Whatever it is about your preteen's personality or appearance that concerns them, don't say, "That's silly," or "It doesn't matter." Minimizing their feelings (even with the best of intentions) will only make your child feel more alone. Preteens' self-esteem drops during this time, due to a combination of hormonal activity (remember too that puberty is setting in) and brain development. Emphasize the positive as one way of boosting an insecure preteen's confidence. If, for example, a boy is small in stature but fast on the playing field, his parents could coach him to view his size as an asset rather than a liability.
• Tough classes. Some kids worry that they won't be able to keep up academically. A child who is nervous about the increased workload may worry that there will be too much reading, or that he or she got good grades in elementary school not because they were smart, but because the teachers liked them.
  What you can do: There's certainly nothing wrong with acknowledging that the work will be harder (it will be!), but assure your child that it won't be more than they can handle. Remind your preteen that while being a good student is important, they have other strengths as well — perhaps they love to draw, or play soccer — so that their entire sense of self isn't wrapped up in grades. Encourage them to let a teacher — and you — know if they think they need extra help or if they are  falling behind. That way you can take steps to address problems early on, perhaps by having your preteen meet with a teacher after school, or working with a tutor.