Parenting Stress and Quality Time:  What We Can Learn

How does stress reshape family time? A recent study by Bradley et al. (2023) explored how parenting stress affects quality time between caregivers and their autistic children. This research highlights a crucial relationship between caregiver stress and activities, enjoyment, and connection. It also offers valuable insights into ways to improve family dynamics.

Key Findings:
Stress reduces connection: Parents experiencing higher levels of stress spent less time engaging in shared activities with their autistic children. They were also less likely to feel connected to or in sync with them.

Enjoyment is impacted: Higher stress levels were also linked to decreased enjoyment for both parents and children during shared activities.

Age matters: Caregivers of younger children were more likely to report shared activities and feelings of connection compared to caregivers of teens. This is likely due to typical developmental changes, such as the need for increased autonomy, as teens grow.

Why This Matters
For families of autistic children, quality time isn’t just about being together - it plays a crucial role in creating positive relationships, reducing family stress, and supporting child development. However, when caregivers are under significant stress, these interactions may become strained or less frequent.

Practical Takeaways
Prioritize quality time: Finding ways to spend valued time together, like eating meals or playing a board game, can strengthen bonds. Even small moments make lasting memories!
Address caregiver stress: Tools such as mindfulness and talk therapy can reduce stress and improve parent-child interactions.

Focus on mutual enjoyment: Activities that both parents and children find enjoyable are importing to creating positive experiences and building connection, especially as children grow older.

What Can Help
Interactions like parent-child interaction therapy or mindfulness programs can improve communication, strengthen family relationships, and reduce stress for caregivers.

By addressing the stress parents face and promoting shared enjoyment, we can help create stronger, healthier family connections. These findings remind us of the importance of supporting both autistic children and their caregivers. Together, we can create a more understanding and connected world for autistic individuals and their families.

Click here for a link to the full article.  

Here are some good resources for children with special needs and neurodiversity.

1.  Guide to Sensory-friendly doctor visits for children with autism spectrum disorder

2.  How to Fall Asleep with a Rowdy, Racing ADHD Brain

3.  We have Ignition: How to Steer Your Teen Towards Safe Driving

​Happy Reading!

Support from parents is key to helping kids do well academically. Here are 10 ways parents can put their kids on track to be successful students.

1. Attend Back-to-School Night and Parent-Teacher Conferences

Kids do better in school when parents are involved in their academic lives. Attending back-to-school night at the start of the school year is a great way to get to know your child's teachers and their expectations. 

Attending parent-teacher conferences is another way to stay informed. These are usually held once or twice a year at progress reporting periods. The conferences are a chance to start or continue conversations with your child's teacher, and discuss strategies to help your child do his or her best in class. Meeting with the teacher also lets your child know that what goes on in school will be shared at home.

If your child has special learning needs, additional meetings can be scheduled with teachers and other school staff to consider setting up or revising IEP's 504 educational plans, or gifted educational plans. 
Keep in mind that parents or guardians can request meetings with teachers, principals, school counselors, or other school staff any time during the school year.

2. Visit the School and Its Website

Knowing the physical layout of the school building and grounds can help you connect with your child when you talk about the school day. It's good to know the location of the main office, school nurse, cafeteria, gym, athletic fields, playgrounds, auditorium, and special classes.

On the school website, you can find information about:

• the school calendar
• staff contact information
• upcoming events like class trips
• testing dates

3. Support Homework Expectations

Homework in elementary school reinforces and extends classroom learning and helps kids practice important study skills. It also helps them develop a sense of responsibility and a work ethic that will benefit them beyond the classroom.

In addition to making sure your child knows that you see homework as a priority, you can help by creating an effective study environment. Any well-lit, comfortable, and quiet workspace with the necessary supplies will do. Avoiding distractions (like a TV  in the background) and setting up a start and end time can also help.

A good rule of thumb for an effective homework and/or study period is roughly 10 minutes per elementary grade level. Fourth-graders, for example, should expect to have about 40 minutes of homework or studying each school night. If you find that it's often taking significantly longer than this guideline, talk with your child's teacher.

While your child does homework, be available to interpret assignment instructions, offer guidance, answer questions, and review the completed work. But resist the urge to provide the correct answers or complete the assignments yourself. Learning from mistakes is part of the process and you don't want to take this away from your child.

4. Send Your Child to School Ready to Learn

A good night's sleep and a nutritious breakfast fuels up kids and gets them ready for the day. In general, kids who eat breakfast have more energy and do better in school. Kids who eat breakfast also are less likely to be absent and make fewer trips to the school nurse with stomach complaints related to hunger.

You can help boost your child's attention span, concentration, and memory by providing breakfast foods that are rich in whole grains, fiber, and protein, as well as low in added sugar. If your child is running late some mornings, send along fresh fruit, nuts, yogurt, or half a peanut butter and banana sandwich. Many schools provide nutritious breakfast options before the first bell.

Kids also need a good night of sleep to be alert and ready to learn all day. Most school-age kids need 10 to 12 hours of sleep a night. Bedtime difficulties can arise at this age for a variety of reasons. Homework, sports, after-school activities, TVs, computers, and video games, as well as hectic family schedules, can contribute to kids not getting enough sleep.

Lack of sleep can cause irritable or hyperactive behavior and might make it hard for kids to pay attention in class. It's important to have a consistent bedtime routine, especially on school nights. Be sure to leave enough time before bed to allow your child to unwind before lights out and limit stimulating diversions like TV and video games.

5. Teach Organizational Skills

When kids are organized, they can stay focused instead of spending time hunting things down and getting sidetracked.

Being organized in elementary school means having an assignment book and homework folder (many schools supply these) to keep track of homework and projects.

Check your child's assignment book and homework folder every school night so you are familiar with assignments and your child doesn't fall behind. Set up a bin for papers that you need to check or sign. Also, keep a special box or bin for completed and graded projects.

Talk to your child about keeping his or her school desk orderly so papers that need to come home don't get lost. Teach your child how to use a calendar or personal planner to help stay organized.

It's also helpful to teach your child how to make a to-do list to help prioritize and get things done. It can be as simple as:

1. homework
2. soccer
3. put clothes away

No one is born with great organizational skills — they need to be learned and practiced.

6. Teach Study Skills

Studying for a test can be scary for young kids, and many educators assume parents will help their kids during the grade-school years. Introducing your child to study skills now will pay off with good learning habits throughout life.

In elementary school, kids usually take end-of-unit tests in math, spelling, science, and social studies. Be sure to know when a test is scheduled so you can help your child study ahead of time rather than just the night before. You also might need to remind your child to bring home the right study materials, such as notes, study guides, or books.

Teach your child how to break down overall tasks into smaller, manageable chunks so preparing for a test isn't overwhelming. You also can introduce your child to tricks like mnemonic devices to help with recalling information. Remember that taking a break after a 45-minute study period is an important way to help kids process and remember information.

Your child probably will be introduced to standardized testing in elementary school. While students can't really study for standardized tests, some teachers provide practice tests to help ease students' worries.

In general, if studying and testing becomes a source of stress for your child, discuss the situation with the teacher or school counselor.

7. Know the Disciplinary Policies

Schools usually cite their disciplinary policies (sometimes called the student code of conduct) in student handbooks. The rules cover expectations, and consequences for not meeting the expectations, for things like student behavior, dress codes, use of electronic devices, and acceptable language.

The policies may include details about attendance, vandalism, cheating, fighting, and weapons. Many schools also have specific policies about bullying. It's helpful to know the school's definition of bullying, consequences for bullies, support for victims, and procedures for reporting bullying.

It's important for your child to know what's expected at school and that you'll support the school's consequences when expectations aren't met. It's easiest for students when school expectations match the ones at home, so kids see both environments as safe and caring places that work together as a team.

8. Get Involved

Whether kids are just starting kindergarten or entering their last year of elementary school, there are many good reasons for parents to volunteer at school. It's a great way for parents to show they're interested in their kids' education.

Many grade-schoolers like to see their parents at school or at school events. But follow your child's cues to find out how much interaction works for both of you. If your child seems uncomfortable with your presence at the school or with your involvement in an extracurricular activity, consider taking a more behind-the-scenes approach. Make it clear that you aren't there to spy — you're just trying to help out the school community.

Parents can get involved by:

• being a classroom helper or homeroom parent
• organizing and/or working at fundraising activities and other special events, like bake sales, car washes, and book fairs
• chaperoning field trips
• planning class parties
• attending school board meetings
• joining the school's parent-teacher group
• working as a library assistant
• reading a story to the class
• giving a talk for career day
• attending school concerts or plays

Check the school or teacher website to find volunteer opportunities that fit your schedule. Even giving a few hours during the school year can make a strong impression on your child.

9. Take Attendance Seriously

Of course, sick kids should stay home from school.  
Otherwise, it's important that kids arrive at school on time every day, because having to catch up with class work and homework can be stressful and interfere with learning.

If your child misses a lot of school due to illness,  make sure to check with the teacher about any work that needs to be completed. It's also a good idea to know the school's attendance policy.

Sometimes students want to stay home from school because of problems with classmates, assignments or grades, or even teachers. This can result in real symptoms, like headaches or stomachaches. If you think there's a problem at school, talk with your child — and then perhaps with the teacher — to find out more about what's causing the anxiety. The school counselor or  psychologist also might be able to help.

Also try to avoid late bedtimes, which can result in tardy and tired students. A consistent sleep schedule also can help students.

10. Make Time to Talk About School

It's usually easy to talk with elementary students about what's going on in class and the latest news at school. You probably know what books your child is reading and are familiar with the math being worked on. But parents can get busy and forget to ask the simple questions, which can have an effect on children's success at school.

Take time every day to talk to your child so he or she knows that what goes on at school is important to you. When kids know parents are interested in their academic lives, they'll take school seriously as well.

Because communication is a two-way street, the way you talk and listen to your child can influence how well your child listens and responds. It's important to listen carefully, make eye contact, and avoid multitasking while you talk. Be sure to ask questions that go beyond "yes" or "no" answers.

Besides during family meals, good times to talk include car trips (though eye contact isn't needed here, of course), walking the dog, preparing meals, or standing in line at a store.
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These early years of schooling are an important time for parents to be informed and supportive about their child's education and to set the stage for children to develop and grow as young learners.

Sometimes it can be hard to find the time to devote vast amounts of time to meditation and mindfulness.  If you feel you don't have time for a full meditation practice, here are some ideas for taking some time, just a few moments, to be more mindful.

Ideas for Mindful Moments:

• Chopping vegetables
• Pausing on a stroll 
• Noticing leaves and nature around you
• Making your favorite drink and really enjoying that first sip
• Eating one piece of chocolate very, very slowly
• Gardening for 5 or 10 minutes
• Cleaning out your car for 15 minutes
• Dancing to your favorite song
• Using a face or foot mask
• Journaling or doing some art
• Writing your friend a real letter, snail mail style
• Smile at yourself in the mirror when you are getting ready, with a positive affirmation about your day.
• Doing 1-3 yoga poses
• Noticing all of the details in one flower

Our days can be so busy.  Sometimes there just isn't enough time to do all of the things that you need to get done. And sometimes on those days, we can't always fit in the exercise class or the dinner out with friends.  Here are a few suggestions for a quick mental health reset this month.

1.  Look up the time of the sunset and watch it for 10 minutes before and after the sun sets.
2.   Do 2 yoga poses that you enjoy.
3.  Do a 3-minute meditation and focus on your breathing.
4.  Drink a cup of hot tea outdoors or in a quiet place.
5.  Dance to your favorite song.  
6.  Put on perfume or cologne.
7.  Eat a light snack.
8.  Text a friend.
9.  Edit one photo that you recently took.
10.  Smile internally and know that you are doing the best that you can today.

Happy New Year! As we begin this new year, most people are eager to set new year's resolutions or intentions for the new year.  Some of us want to get healthier, some of us want to travel especially because of Coronavirus pandemic fatique,  while some of us want to pursue our hobbies more.

No matter what your new year's resolutions are or what your desired goals for 2022, I am sure that will agree that being present is so very important.  With that in mind, here is a blog roll of fantastic tips for being more mindful in 2022.  Enjoy!

• 30 Mindfulness Activities to Find Calm at Any Age
• 5 Simple Mindfulness Practices for Daily Life
• 1-minute meditation
• Let go of stress
• Mindful Mondays: 1 minute at a time

What Is Introspection?

Introspection can be practiced both as an informal reflection process and a formal experimental approach, and the two have different definitions. Still, both processes can be undertaken by anyone with curiosity and determination.

The informal reflection process can be defined as examining one’s own internal thoughts and feelings and reflecting on what they mean. The process can be focused on either one’s current mental experience or mental experiences from the very recent past.

The formal experimental technique is a more objective and standardized version of this, in which people train themselves to carefully analyze the contents of their own thoughts in a way that’s as unbiased as possible.

The original idea of introspection was developed by Wilhelm Wundt in the late 1800s (McLeod, 2008). Wundt focused on three areas of mental functioning: thoughts, images, and feelings. Wundt’s work eventually led to the current work on perceptual processes and the establishment of the field of cognitive psychology. 

What Is the Importance of Introspection?

Researchers have shown that we think more than 50,000 thoughts per day, of which more than half are negative and more than 90% are just repeats from the day before (Wood, 2013).

If you don’t make the time and effort to refocus your mind on the positive through introspection, you won’t give yourself the opportunity to grow and develop.

Enhancing our ability to understand ourselves and our motivations and to learn more about our own values helps us take the power away from the distractions of our modern, fast-paced lives and instead refocus on fulfillment (Wood, 2013).

The importance of doing it right.  Reflecting on ourselves and our environments is a healthy and adaptive practice, but it should be undertaken with some care—there is, in fact, a wrong way to do it.
When your focus on introspection has morphed from a dedication to an obsession, you have taken it too far. In fact, those who take self-reflection too far can end up feeling more stressed, depressed, and anxious than ever (Eurich, 2017).

In addition, it is all too easy for us to fool ourselves into thinking we have found some deep insight that may or may not be accurate. We are surprisingly good at coming up with rational explanations for the irrational behaviors we engage in (Dahl, 2017).

To help stay on the right path with your self-reflection, consider asking more “what” questions than “why” questions. “Why” questions can highlight our limitations and stir up negative emotions, while “what” questions help keep us curious and positive about the future (Eurich, 2017).

There are nearly endless questions, prompts, and ideas you can use to take a self-reflection break. Some of these can be asked, answered, and addressed every day, while others may best be saved for occasional self-reflection.

These 10 questions are great ways to jumpstart self-reflection: 

1. Am I using my time wisely?
2. Am I taking anything for granted?
3. Am I employing a healthy perspective?
4. Am I living true to myself?
5. Am I waking up in the morning ready to take on the day?
6. Am I thinking negative thoughts before I fall asleep?
7. Am I putting enough effort into my relationships?
8. Am I taking care of myself physically?
9. Am I letting matters that are out of my control stress me out?
10. Am I achieving the goals that I’ve set for myself?

The following 30 questions are questions you can ask yourself every day to get to know yourself better.

1. Who am I, really?
2. What worries me most about the future?
3. If this were the last day of my life, would I have the same plans for today?
4. What am I really scared of?
5. Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
6. If not now, then when?
7. What matters most in my life?
8. What am I doing about the things that matter most in my life?
9. Why do I matter?
10. Have I done anything lately that’s worth remembering?
11. Have I made someone smile today?
12. What have I given up on?
13. When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?
14. If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby, what advice would I give?
15. What small act of kindness was I once shown that I will never forget?
16. How will I live, knowing I will die?
17. What do I need to change about myself?
18. Is it more important to love or be loved?
19. How many of my friends would I trust with my life?
20. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
21. Would I break the law to save a loved one?
22. Would I steal to feed a starving child?
23. What do I want most in life?
24. What is life asking of me?
25. Which is worse: failing or never trying?
26. If I try to fail and succeed, what have I done?
27. What’s the one thing I’d like others to remember about me at the end of my life?
28. Does it really matter what others think about me?
29. To what degree have I actually controlled the course of my life?
30. When all is said and done, what will I have said more than I’ve done?

Finally, the following 30 prompts and questions are great ways to put your journal to use.

1. My favorite way to spend the day is . . .
2. If I could talk to my teenage self, the one thing I would say is . . .
3. The two moments I’ll never forget in my life are . . . (Describe them in great detail, and what makes them so unforgettable.)
4. Make a list of 30 things that make you smile.
5. “Write about a moment experienced through your body. Making love, making breakfast, going to a party, having a fight, an experience you’ve had or you imagine for your character. Leave out thought and emotion, and let all information be conveyed through the body and senses.”
6. The words I’d like to live by are . . .
7. I couldn’t imagine living without . . .
8. When I’m in pain—physical or emotional—the kindest thing I can do for myself is . . .
9. Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and whom you can genuinely trust. Then, make time to hang out with them.
10. What does unconditional love look like for you?
11. What things would you do if you loved yourself unconditionally? How can you act on these things, even if you’re not yet able to love yourself unconditionally?
12. I really wish others knew this about me . . .
13. Name what is enough for you.
14. If my body could talk, it would say . . .
15. Name a compassionate way you’ve supported a friend recently. Then, write down how you can do the same for yourself.
16. What do you love about life?
17. What always brings tears to your eyes? (As Paulo Coelho has said, “Tears are words that need to be written.”)
18. Write about a time when your work felt real, necessary and satisfying to you, whether the work was paid or unpaid, professional or domestic, physical or mental.
19. Write about your first love—whether it’s a person, place or thing.
20. Using 10 words, describe yourself.
21. What’s surprised you the most about your life or life in general?
22. What can you learn from your biggest mistakes?
23. I feel most energized when . . .
24. “Write a list of questions to which you urgently need answers.”
25. Make a list of everything that inspires you—whether books, websites, quotes, people, paintings, stores, or stars in the sky.
26. What’s one topic you need to learn more about to help you live a more fulfilling life? (Then, follow through and learn more about that topic.)
27. I feel happiest in my skin when . . .
28. Make a list of everything you’d like to say no to.
29. Make a list of everything you’d like to say yes to.
30. Write the words you need to hear.