Miranda J. Gabriel, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist PSY 19388
​510-459-1302
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5 Ideas to Foster A Deep Connection with Your Kids

4/8/2022

 
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There’s only so many hours in the day to juggle work, friendships, fitness, in-laws, self-care and of course, your kids. We know exactly what it’s like to rush home frazzled after a long day. But making quality time for your kids can be the best investment you’ll ever make – in their happiness, and yours.

Being "in the moment" with your kids and creating positive, nurturing spaces for them to express themselves, laugh, grow, learn and explore will not only strengthen your bond, but build their confidence, sense of self, emotional intelligence, and understanding of the world around them.

Here are some meaningful and mindful ways to connect with your little ones this weekend.

1. Create Special Rituals

Family rituals are special things you do regularly with your loved ones. They help kids feel that the world is a safe and predictable place and gives them something to look forward to. It might be something super simple like an ice-cream after school, or "Netflix Friday movie night". The key is making it enjoyable. Make popcorn for your movie night, add snuggly cushions, dim the lights (a la at-home cinema experience) and pick a flick that’s entertaining for you both. Think action, laughter, deeper storylines and inspiring themes that prompt discussion afterwards.

2. Allow them to talk

It's easy to get caught up in the belief that we know better.  But it’s worth remembering that it’s okay not to have all the answers, particularly for some of the tougher questions. Instead, let your kids speak. When they ask if "it’s important to be beautiful", you can turn it back on them: What do they think is beautiful? You’ll encourage your child to think about the deeper issues in life, while side-swerving answering a question that---let’s be real---none of us have the answer for.   
Listen with empathy, your full attention, and while resisting the urge to interrupt.


3. Encourage them to design their day

Give your kids the reins by letting them design a day out with you. What does it look like when they’re in the driver’s seat? They might suggest hitting the zoo to discover deadly native reptiles have a picnic at the park, or go for a bike ride.

This "choose your own adventure" approach will empower your child with the ability to make decisions, think independently and build confidence. It's also a sneak peek into what they deem fun (as opposed to our preconceived ideas), so make sure "go with the flow" and relinquish some control (within reason, of course!).


4. Play with them

We’ve all been there – hit the park and had the phone glued to our ear for the entire time, feigning interest in sandcastles and slides. But playtime is actually a vital part of childhood, and while it might be easier to watch from afar, there are strong benefits to getting involved and playing with your child.

Parent-child play can help the development of skills including creativity, memory, motor skills, cognitive flexibility, regulation of emotions, and leadership skills. It's also a lot of fun, for everyone involved! If playgrounds aren’t your thing, use your imagination (or let your child design the play). How about pillow fights, building a fort, playing hide and seek, painting, cooking, building blocks, performing a show (you know you want to bust out your microphone and sing Adele), or let them design their own game.

5. Show affection

A parent’s love goes a long way. How you interact affectionately with your child can do wonders for their well-being and health both in the moment, and for years to come.

Kids crave daily attention and affection and showing them love with appropriate physical touch and affirmative words will allow them to feel safe, cared for and important. In turn, this goes on to greatly affect their happiness, self-acceptance and social relationships.
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This could be cuddles every day, kisses when dropping them off at school, making rituals such as tickling their back at bedtime, and reminding them that they are loved by you and their entire family.

How to Handle A Chronic Complainer

3/2/2022

 
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We all need to vent once in a while. But when it comes to chronic complainers, those individuals who always seem to have something negative to say, it can be exhausting and frustrating to be around them.

To understand how to handle constant complainers, it's important to first recognize that they may not even realize they are doing it.  They may think that they are just talking but they may not realize that they are on their third, fourth, or fifth complaint in a row.

One way to deal with a chronic complainer, you have the opportunity to shift the conversation or ideally, to start the conversation on a positive note.  We can try to make a mental list of the topics that they often complain about and avoid mentioning them.  

Another strategy is to be aware of how you think about boundaries.  Often, people think they are setting boundaries when they are actually just trying to change the other person.  You can determine how you listen.  You can determine what you do when the other person complains but you can't make them stop complaining.   So, if you find yourself trying to set a boundary by attempting to "make" them stop complaining, that may be a sign that you should consider limiting your interactions with them altogether.  This is the choice that you have with chronic and constant complainers.


A Quick Mental Health Reset

2/20/2022

 
Our days can be so busy.  Sometimes there just isn't enough time to do all of the things that you need to get done. And sometimes on those days, we can't always fit in the exercise class or the dinner out with friends.  Here are a few suggestions for a quick mental health reset this month.

1.  Look up the time of the sunset and watch it for 10 minutes before and after the sun sets.
2.   Do 2 yoga poses that you enjoy.
3.  Do a 3-minute meditation and focus on your breathing.
4.  Drink a cup of hot tea outdoors or in a quiet place.
5.  Dance to your favorite song.  
6.  Put on perfume or cologne.
7.  Eat a light snack.
8.  Text a friend.
9.  Edit one photo that you recently took.
10.  Smile internally and know that you are doing the best that you can today.

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Being Mindful in 2022

1/7/2022

 
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Happy New Year! As we begin this new year, most people are eager to set new year's resolutions or intentions for the new year.  Some of us want to get healthier, some of us want to travel especially because of Coronavirus pandemic fatique,  while some of us want to pursue our hobbies more.

No matter what your new year's resolutions are or what your desired goals for 2022, I am sure that will agree that being present is so very important.  With that in mind, here is a blog roll of fantastic tips for being more mindful in 2022.  Enjoy!
  • 30 Mindfulness Activities to Find Calm at Any Age
  • 5 Simple Mindfulness Practices for Daily Life
  • 1-minute meditation
  • Let go of stress
  • Mindful Mondays: 1 minute at a time

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70 Self-Reflection Questions

12/1/2021

 
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What Is Introspection?

Introspection can be practiced both as an informal reflection process and a formal experimental approach, and the two have different definitions. Still, both processes can be undertaken by anyone with curiosity and determination.

The informal reflection process can be defined as examining one’s own internal thoughts and feelings and reflecting on what they mean. The process can be focused on either one’s current mental experience or mental experiences from the very recent past.

The formal experimental technique is a more objective and standardized version of this, in which people train themselves to carefully analyze the contents of their own thoughts in a way that’s as unbiased as possible.

The original idea of introspection was developed by Wilhelm Wundt in the late 1800s (McLeod, 2008). Wundt focused on three areas of mental functioning: thoughts, images, and feelings. Wundt’s work eventually led to the current work on perceptual processes and the establishment of the field of cognitive psychology. 

What Is the Importance of Introspection?

Researchers have shown that we think more than 50,000 thoughts per day, of which more than half are negative and more than 90% are just repeats from the day before (Wood, 2013).

If you don’t make the time and effort to refocus your mind on the positive through introspection, you won’t give yourself the opportunity to grow and develop.

Enhancing our ability to understand ourselves and our motivations and to learn more about our own values helps us take the power away from the distractions of our modern, fast-paced lives and instead refocus on fulfillment (Wood, 2013).

The importance of doing it right.  Reflecting on ourselves and our environments is a healthy and adaptive practice, but it should be undertaken with some care—there is, in fact, a wrong way to do it.
When your focus on introspection has morphed from a dedication to an obsession, you have taken it too far. In fact, those who take self-reflection too far can end up feeling more stressed, depressed, and anxious than ever (Eurich, 2017).

In addition, it is all too easy for us to fool ourselves into thinking we have found some deep insight that may or may not be accurate. We are surprisingly good at coming up with rational explanations for the irrational behaviors we engage in (Dahl, 2017).

To help stay on the right path with your self-reflection, consider asking more “what” questions than “why” questions. “Why” questions can highlight our limitations and stir up negative emotions, while “what” questions help keep us curious and positive about the future (Eurich, 2017).

There are nearly endless questions, prompts, and ideas you can use to take a self-reflection break. Some of these can be asked, answered, and addressed every day, while others may best be saved for occasional self-reflection.

These 10 questions are great ways to jumpstart self-reflection: 
  1. Am I using my time wisely?
  2. Am I taking anything for granted?
  3. Am I employing a healthy perspective?
  4. Am I living true to myself?
  5. Am I waking up in the morning ready to take on the day?
  6. Am I thinking negative thoughts before I fall asleep?
  7. Am I putting enough effort into my relationships?
  8. Am I taking care of myself physically?
  9. Am I letting matters that are out of my control stress me out?
  10. Am I achieving the goals that I’ve set for myself?
The following 30 questions are questions you can ask yourself every day to get to know yourself better.
  1. Who am I, really?
  2. What worries me most about the future?
  3. If this were the last day of my life, would I have the same plans for today?
  4. What am I really scared of?
  5. Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
  6. If not now, then when?
  7. What matters most in my life?
  8. What am I doing about the things that matter most in my life?
  9. Why do I matter?
  10. Have I done anything lately that’s worth remembering?
  11. Have I made someone smile today?
  12. What have I given up on?
  13. When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?
  14. If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby, what advice would I give?
  15. What small act of kindness was I once shown that I will never forget?
  16. How will I live, knowing I will die?
  17. What do I need to change about myself?
  18. Is it more important to love or be loved?
  19. How many of my friends would I trust with my life?
  20. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
  21. Would I break the law to save a loved one?
  22. Would I steal to feed a starving child?
  23. What do I want most in life?
  24. What is life asking of me?
  25. Which is worse: failing or never trying?
  26. If I try to fail and succeed, what have I done?
  27. What’s the one thing I’d like others to remember about me at the end of my life?
  28. Does it really matter what others think about me?
  29. To what degree have I actually controlled the course of my life?
  30. When all is said and done, what will I have said more than I’ve done?
Finally, the following 30 prompts and questions are great ways to put your journal to use.
  1. My favorite way to spend the day is . . .
  2. If I could talk to my teenage self, the one thing I would say is . . .
  3. The two moments I’ll never forget in my life are . . . (Describe them in great detail, and what makes them so unforgettable.)
  4. Make a list of 30 things that make you smile.
  5. “Write about a moment experienced through your body. Making love, making breakfast, going to a party, having a fight, an experience you’ve had or you imagine for your character. Leave out thought and emotion, and let all information be conveyed through the body and senses.”
  6. The words I’d like to live by are . . .
  7. I couldn’t imagine living without . . .
  8. When I’m in pain—physical or emotional—the kindest thing I can do for myself is . . .
  9. Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and whom you can genuinely trust. Then, make time to hang out with them.
  10. What does unconditional love look like for you?
  11. What things would you do if you loved yourself unconditionally? How can you act on these things, even if you’re not yet able to love yourself unconditionally?
  12. I really wish others knew this about me . . .
  13. Name what is enough for you.
  14. If my body could talk, it would say . . .
  15. Name a compassionate way you’ve supported a friend recently. Then, write down how you can do the same for yourself.
  16. What do you love about life?
  17. What always brings tears to your eyes? (As Paulo Coelho has said, “Tears are words that need to be written.”)
  18. Write about a time when your work felt real, necessary and satisfying to you, whether the work was paid or unpaid, professional or domestic, physical or mental.
  19. Write about your first love—whether it’s a person, place or thing.
  20. Using 10 words, describe yourself.
  21. What’s surprised you the most about your life or life in general?
  22. What can you learn from your biggest mistakes?
  23. I feel most energized when . . .
  24. “Write a list of questions to which you urgently need answers.”
  25. Make a list of everything that inspires you—whether books, websites, quotes, people, paintings, stores, or stars in the sky.
  26. What’s one topic you need to learn more about to help you live a more fulfilling life? (Then, follow through and learn more about that topic.)
  27. I feel happiest in my skin when . . .
  28. Make a list of everything you’d like to say no to.
  29. Make a list of everything you’d like to say yes to.
  30. Write the words you need to hear.

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November Family Fall Calendar

11/7/2021

 
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Autumn Self-Care

10/7/2021

 
Depending where you live, autumn may be in coming along nicely.  Here in the Bay Area we continue to have balmy summer weather but it is just starting to feel like the seasons are changing.  

As the weather cools down, what are some self-care activities that you gravitate towards in autumn?  Take some time this fall to enjoy the changing seasons and nurture your mental, emotional, and physical health.  Here are some small ways to enjoy fall.

  • Sip hot tea
  • Take a stroll and really notice the changing leaves, the colors, and the crispness in the air
  • Decorate your space to bring autumn indoors
  • Make spiced apple cider
  • Rake the leaves
  • Jump in those raked leaves
  • Collect leaves on your next hike and make a collage or put them in a journal
  • Read a good book
  • Listen to a podcast or an audio book
  • Volunteer
  • Journal
  • Daydream
  • Take a cat nap
  • Declutter one area of your house
  • Donate some things that you no longer need.  
  • Try a new recipe such as an autumn soup, or roast some vegetables
  • Go apple picking and then make an apple pie with your favorite spices
  • See if you can escape from a corn maze
  • Watch your favorite movie
  • Go pumpkin picking or check out the largest pumpkin grown this year
  • Read ghost stories by the fire
  • Go camping
  • Check out a local festival
  • Create a gorgeous fall wreath
  • Learn a new skill
  • Take a bike ride
  • Learn how to knit or crochet
  • Paint

Moving with a Special Needs Child

9/1/2021

 

Moving is always a stressful experience.  For families with special needs children, moving can be especially stressful.  Children with autism can often feel anxious about the move and the moving process.  Here is a blog roll of some articles to help you to navigate moving with a child with special needs, particularly autism.  

1.  The 10 Best Tips for Long Car Rides with Kids With Sensory Issues
2.  
Autism Social Story: Preparing to Move to a New House
3.Moving With Autism
4.  A New School: Easing the Transition

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A Mindful Walk in Nature

8/2/2021

 
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Taking a stroll outside can help build lasting happiness.  Set aside 20 minutes to take a walk outside by yourself every day for a week. Try to stick to this schedule unless the weather is extremely bad. You can still do this exercise in a light rain—provided you have a decent umbrella and rain jacket.

As you walk, try to notice as many positive things around you as you can. These can be sights, sounds, smells, or other sensations. For example, you could focus on the breathtaking height of a tree you never really noticed before, the intricate architecture of a building on your block, the dance of sunshine off a window or puddle, the smell of grass or flowers, or the way other people look out for each other as they navigate crowded streets.

As you notice each of these positive things, acknowledge each one in your mind—don’t just let them slip past you. Pause for a moment as you hear or see each thing and make sure it registers with your conscious awareness.  Really take it in. Try to identify what it is about that thing that makes it pleasurable to you.
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Try to walk a different route each day so you don’t become too accustomed to any of these things and start to take them for granted.

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20 minutes of Self-Care Works Wonders

7/5/2021

 
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Happy Summer!  

Here is a short list of activities that can boost your mental health.  Take 20 minutes out of your day to fuel your imagination, calm your mind, and invigorate your soul.

1. Take a short walk in nature
2. Doodle
3.  Organize one closet or one drawer
4.  Paint
5.  Sing out loud
6.  Dance while you are singing
7.  Drink hot tea 
8.  Soak in some sun--get that Vitamin D
9.  Arrange some flowers, taking time to smell each one
10.  Stretch 
11. Read a book
12.  Do yoga
13.  Journal with your favorite pen
14.  Learn a new dance move
15.  Call a friend
16.  Eat one piece of chocolate, slowly
17.  Vacuum your house
18.  Moisturize your face and body
19.  Watch a sitcom or a comedy show
20.  Play an instrument

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    Miranda J. Gabriel, Psy.D.

    A licensed clinical psychologist providing psychotherapy to children, teens, and adults in the San Francisco Bay Area.


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