Happy Summer!  

Here is a short list of activities that can boost your mental health.  Take 20 minutes out of your day to fuel your imagination, calm your mind, and invigorate your soul.

1. Take a short walk in nature
2. Doodle
3.  Organize one closet or one drawer
4.  Paint
5.  Sing out loud
6.  Dance while you are singing
7.  Drink hot tea 
8.  Soak in some sun--get that Vitamin D
9.  Arrange some flowers, taking time to smell each one
10.  Stretch 
11. Read a book
12.  Do yoga
13.  Journal with your favorite pen
14.  Learn a new dance move
15.  Call a friend
16.  Eat one piece of chocolate, slowly
17.  Vacuum your house
18.  Moisturize your face and body
19.  Watch a sitcom or a comedy show
20.  Play an instrument

According to a 2017 Harvard study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, asking a question and then asking at least two follow-up questions will dramatically increase how likable you are.

We converse with others to learn what they know, their information, stories, preferences, ideas, thoughts, and feelings, as well as what we know while managing others' perceptions of us.   When we ask more questions, we are perceived as higher in responsiveness, an interpersonal construct  that captures listening, understanding, validation, and care.

Asking a few questions, and actually listening to the answers, and people will like you more.  It sounds too good to be true, but it is. 

Around 40% of our everyday speech is spent telling other people about our subjective experiences.  Not facts or instructions or outcome-based conversations, which account for another chunk of our everyday speech, but what we think or feel.  Talking about ourselves, whether in person or on social media, increases activity in brain regions associated with the sense of reward and satisfaction gained from food, money, or sex.  

We want and need to talk about ourselves.  Therefore, when you actively help other people talk about themselves, they will see you as a great conversationalist.  They will feel better about themselves, because they will feel like you care about them.

Say you meet someone new.  As soon as you learn a little about them, ask how they did or do it?  How they felt? Or what they like about it, learned from it, or what advice they might have?  Asking at least two follow-up questions shows you respect the other person's experiences, knowledge, opinions, etc.  You respect them as a person.  This makes you a more likable person and helps to build the foundation for a genuine relationship.

Friendship is hard: finding new friends, maintaining  relationships, and navigating conflict are all difficult tasks. There’s no way around this fact.

​Especially as a 20-something, making friends seems harder and harder as responsibilities grow and free time shrinks. But another thing is undeniably true: friendship is worth the struggle. We are made for connection. 

I think the quality of our friendships can often be traced to the quality of the time we spend together. As we get older, friendship can sometimes be crammed into the space of lunch breaks or evening dinner plans. While there’s nothing wrong with these things, they don’t really build the kind of memories that lead to rich connections.

As kids, we inherently knew this. We rode bikes with our friends, became mini entrepreneurs with thriving lemonade stands, and went on long adventures in our neighborhoods. As adults, our relationships center more around good conversation than the activities we do together. We need people we can discuss ideas with and people that can join us on active adventures. The richest friendships contain both ingredients.

Here are some ideas to bring creativity to your friendships:

TOUR YOUR OWN CITY
Instead of going to your favorite lunch spot, look up popular activities in your town. No matter where you live, chances are there is a tourist attraction within a day’s drive that you (or your friend) may have never visited.

VOLUNTEER TOGETHER
When friends share fundamental values, they share a common bond that’s deeper than gossip or mutual friends. Google nonprofits in your town and choose one whose mission resonates with you.

FIND AN EVENT OR CLASS TO DO TOGETHER
Maybe you want to learn how to cook, have been dying to try goat yoga, or have been thinking of renting a plot in your local community garden. Learning a new skill or laughing your way through a yoga class might be the ticket to forging a lasting relationship.

PLAN A TRIP SOMEWHERE NEW 
A friend of mine says that the best way to fast-track a friendship is to travel together. Travel not only forms beautiful memories, but it brings together the good and the bad: being stuck in a car together, learning who is a morning person and who is not, and trying not to get lost on the way to your Airbnb. Trips don’t have to be extravagant to be wonderful.

Even in friendship, we can get stuck in a rut and start to feel the relationship become mundane. Rich connections are formed when we build them on adventure, on shared values, and on vulnerability. Have the courage to try something new with a friend. Even if you find that it’s not your cup of tea, at the end of the day, you’ll have a great story to tell.

Life can be hectic with never-ending to-do lists, stressful working conditions, and a feeling of always being on the go, especially during the pandemic.
Even though the modern world is fast-paced, you can still learn to live a mindful life.  Mindfulness is a skill that can be learned with some practice.
The first step towards being mindful throughout the day is to bring mindfulness into everything you do.
For example:

• Bring mindfulness to the task at hand.
• Bring awareness to your daily chores.
• Bring attention to the people around you.

The second step -- and this is the hard part -- is to bring your attention back whenever you lose focus. After as short as a few days of practice you will find that your mind wanders less often.
If you find this hard, try to put "mindfulness reminders" throughout the day to remind you where to bring your awareness.  For example, you can put a note at your workspace to remind you to do some mindful stretching.

Now for the specific tips to mindful living:

1. Do less. Decide on your essentials and do less of everything else.  It's better to do a few things excellent than many things mediocre
2. Slow down. Only when we slow down, can we see things as they are. Slowing down and enjoying the little things makes life more pleasant.
3. Use your mornings to be mindful. Begin your days slow to ease into the day. Take a few minutes to stretch, pray, read, drink a cup of tea, whatever would help you to ease into your day.
4. Do one thing at a time. When multitasking, we switch attention between two or more tasks, which actually makes us less productive. Instead, focus on only one thing at a time for a specific time or until you are done, then move on to the next task.
5. Do your chores mindfully. Mindfulness is easy to incorporate into your daily life: only focus on the task at hand. Whenever you lose focus, note that your mind has wandered, and gently bring it back.
6. Learn to listen. Often we don't listen to others. We become so caught up in our counter-arguments, so we forget to listen to what they say. Fortunately, mindful listening is a skill that can be learned with practice. A good rule of thumb is to listen more than you talk.
7. Eat with awareness. Eat slowly and with awareness. Pay attention to the taste of the food, the colors and form.
8. Go for a walk. Leave your phone at home and go for a walk, preferably in nature. Instead of listening to music or a podcast, enjoy the sounds around you.
9. Do nothing. Often we fill our days with errands and tasks. We don't have any time left to just be. When doing nothing, we can become aware of our feelings and thoughts. At first, that might seem scary, but if we just continue to pay attention to them without judging, they slowly disappear.
10. Take a break. Take breaks throughout the day. Use your breaks to take some deep breaths and be mindful.

The following information is meant for reflection.  It is not meant to serve as a comprehensive list of everything that may help a child following a divorce. 
For further information, consult with a trusted mental health professional.

Hurtful To The Child

• Quarreling with the other parent within earshot of the child
• Berating the other parent within earshot of the child
• Allowing the child to say negative things about the other parent without challenging. (The exception is a report of abuse.  See a mental health professional on how to deal with this kind of allegation.)
• Expressing non-verbal anger toward the other parent within earshot of the child
• Questioning the child about the other parents' personal affairs (ex, using your child as a spy).
• Arguing with positive statements that the child makes about the other parent
• Trying to form a coalition with the child against the other parent
• Threatening to limit access to the other parent
• Threatening to take the other parent to court within earshot of the child
• Rejection the feelings of loss that the child expresses regarding the other parent
• Communicating to the child, directly or indirectly, that there is a love contest going on (ex., the child must decide which parent loves them more).
• Staying trapped in feelings of rage or hurt towards the other parent

Helpful To The Child

• Having positive conversations with the other parent within earshot of the child
• Complimenting the other parent within earshot of the child
• Affirming to the child that the other parent loves him or her
• Qualifying or disagreeing with negative statements that the child makes about the other parent
• Putting the child's best interest above any feelings of rage or hurt that are felt toward the other parent
• Keeping the child unaware of any ongoing court battles
• Making peace with the other parent, as quickly and as thoroughly as possible
• Allowing and welcoming the child to voice feelings of loss pertaining to the other parent
• Allowing the child to talk about and play through their feelings about the divorce
• Providing the child with ways of coping with the divorce (ex., readings, a child divorce support group like Kids Turn, therapy etc).

      We are 11 months into the pandemic, and your child is feeling the effects. Social distancing, virtual school, the loss of sports, choir, band, and connections to friends are overwhelming your child or teen. His energy level is down. She hardly sees friends.   All of their "free" time is on screens. They likely need of a few ways to find joy.  Here  are some tips to cultivate more joy with your child right now.

Empathize. 
      Do you remember what school was like when you were a kid? Were you more concerned with grades, friends, parties, dances, sports, or popularity? Yes, your teen might be acting as if COVID-19 was introduced only to ruin their life, but don't overreact. Take a moment to put yourself in her proverbial shoes. It really is a tough time, and she doesn't have the life experience you have. Whatever means you use, meditation, yoga,  deep breathing, walks or runs, eating Oreos , try to get your emotions back into check. This balance will enable you to manage your own emotions and be empathetic to your child. 

If you are okay, they'll be okay. 
As parents, we are our children's social and emotional coping models. You, too, are tired of COVID-19, and you miss your friends. Don't try to pretend that all is well in the world. Holiday festivities were just cancelled or virtual.  It is hard! Show your children you are human too. Share your frustrations. Commiserate. Hold a mini pity party with your child. Eat popcorn, dance, laugh, and try to embrace this time together.
​
Promote a respectful tone and banter. 
     We all have times when our tone does not reflect our intentions. Chances are you have used that sharp tone of voice with your children. Model using a tone that communicates respect, when humanly possible. Start by asking the whole family, including you, to pay attention to words and tone. This way the child who struggles the most is not singled out. The whole family can try to be more considerate. Be sure to share with your children what respectful looks like, and admit to them when you struggle with showing them respect. Consider a code word or reminder that family members can use when that sharp tone is used. Eventually, you will catch it before you will need to be told. 

Continue to emphasize your child's interests and strengths. 
     Part of your teen's grief process is that the activities, social connections, and past infrastructure that she adored are not available right now. Now is the time to put on your creative hat. What did your son enjoy about hockey? Why was there a spark when your daughter steps on stage? How can you tap into those sources of happiness? Identifying and harnessing strengths is invaluable and produces positive energy while reducing the feelings of being trapped.

Collaborate and pick a daily activity to cope with frustrations and emotions. 
     Each day that is unproductive or spent in solitary can potentially be a day that brings disappointment. Teens are notorious for rejecting advice, but if shrouded in fun, they may be amenable. When your teen is in an environment and in a mood to chat, jot down some ideas together. What activities can they do each day of the week or the month? Perhaps an athletic kid can do more outdoor activities.   A trip to the craft store can foster some much-deserved creativity. The point here is to build on strengths, develop new interests, and strengthen relationships. 

Parenting in a pandemic is not easy. Breaking the mold of same-old, same-old may be just the ticket to getting over the hump and creating the family ties that nurture each family member.   

This time of year we usually gather with family and friends far and wide to enjoy the holidays.  The coronavirus pandemic has altered some of those traditional rituals we usually engage in around the holidays.

2020 forced most of us to look around and consider all the little blessings in our lives, (sometimes hiding in plain sight,) but in relative abundance once  we paid attention to them.

I hope you make your own gratitude list for the tiny miracles that bring you joy each day. It’s a practice worth doing and can improve your mood during a typically difficult time. What are you grateful for this year?

Nine in 10 adults derive happiness from small wonders such as a short line at the grocery store, a thoughtful text from a loved one, or a nice gesture from a stranger. Pay kindness forward to a passerby and you’ll find the benefits can be exponential.

The Top 50 Little Joys of 2020

1. Seeing your family
2. Seeing your friends
3. A hug
4. Receiving an unexpected money rebate or refund
5. Getting into bed with fresh sheets
6. Receiving a compliment
7. Getting a great bargain
8. A smile from a stranger
9. Seeing a great sunset or sunrise
10. Receiving an unexpected gift
11. Finding money in your pocket that you forgot about
12. Feeling the sun on your face in autumn
13. Birds singing in the morning
14. The smell of freshly cut grass
15. Receiving a call or text from a friend or family member
16. Ticking off something which has been on your to-do list for a while
17. Seeing a rainbow
18. Your favorite song coming on the radio
19. Crunching autumn leaves on a walk
20. A long weekend
21. Great customer service
22. No line at your favorite store 
23. Finishing a good book
24. Putting on comfy clothes at the end of the day
25. An unexpected ‘buy one get one free’ offer
26. When someone compliments you 
27. Someone holding a door open for you
28. That smell just after it has rained
29. Waking up early and realizing you have hours left to sleep
30. Receiving a card or letter rather than a text
31. Waking up and realizing it’s the weekend when you thought it was a weekday
32. The feeling after sorting a drawer or cupboard
33. Getting a quick reply to a customer service query
34. The satisfaction of eating a homegrown vegetable / home-baked bread
35. Keeping on top of your bills
36. Getting a better deal on your energy and saving money
37. Finding a forgotten stash of chocolate
38. A moment of peace in the bath
39. A quick chat with your neighbor
40. Paying off an outstanding bill
41. The satisfaction of clearing out your wardrobe
42. Taking a nap
43. Getting the last item before it sold out
44. Having all the right ingredients for a recipe in the cupboard already
45. Your hair looking good when you wake up
46. Completing a grocery run without forgetting anything
47. Discovering a new series on Netflix
48. Relief of knowing your bills won’t increase
49. Free WiFi
50. The smell of soil when gardening 

I am certain that, like me, you probably have a journal or two or ten lying around your place with pristine spines and pages.  You probably bought the notebook with great intentions or perhaps it was gifted to you by a friend or family member.  As the shelter-in-place continues and the weather gets colder, grab that journal, some colorful pens and a hot cup of cocoa.  Hopefully, one or more of these ideas might tickle your fancy and promote your creativity!

1. Gratitude Journal
2. Bullet Journal
3. Doodling Journal
4. Sketchbook
5. Habit Tracker
6. Wellness and Mood Tracker
7. Brush Lettering or Calligraphy Journal
8. Exercise Log
9. Medication Log
10. Food Log 
11. Weight Loss or Gain Journal
12. Gift Log
13. Nature Journal
14. Inspirational Quotes
15. Lists of 100
16. Dream Diary
17. Wedding or Event Planner
18. Vision Journal
19. Health Log
20. Gardening Journal
21. Hobby Journal
22. Memory Book
23. Affirmations
24. Morning Intentions
25. Spirituality Journal
26. Books To Read/Movies to Watch/ TV shows
27. New Restaurants to Try
28. Recipe Book
29. Blog Log
30. Expense Tracker
31. Vacation Vision Board
32. Travel Journal
33. Poetry Journal
34. Short Story Journal
35. Bucket List
36. Unsent Letters
37. Brainstorming Journal--Move your pen freely, go for as many ideas as you can.  
38. "What did I learn today?" or "What am I curious to learn tomorrow?"
39. Things You Want to Excel At
40. Relationship Journal--family, friends, lovers, co-workers, neighbors, etc.
41. Biggest Life Successes
42. Goals or Dreams You Want to Achieve
43. New Foods or Recipes You Want to Try
44. Adventures You Would Like To Have
45. Your Favorite Playlist
46. Favorite Plays or Musicals
47. Handwriting Practice
48. Ideas Notebook
49. Diary
50. Letters to Your Loved Ones
51. Wardrobe Book
52. Makeup or Hair Products Tracker List
53. Digital Media Content Keeper
54. Family History Information
55. Pet Book or Keeper
56. Local Places To Visit
57. Romantic ideas
58. Podcasts To Enjoy
59. Passwords Notebook--keep this one safe!
60. Songbook or Lyric book