Category: Adults

How to Handle A Chronic Complainer

3/2/2022

We all need to vent once in a while. But when it comes to chronic complainers, those individuals who always seem to have something negative to say, it can be exhausting and frustrating to be around them.

To understand how to handle constant complainers, it's important to first recognize that they may not even realize they are doing it. They may think that they are just talking but they may not realize that they are on their third, fourth, or fifth complaint in a row.

One way to deal with a chronic complainer, you have the opportunity to shift the conversation or ideally, to start the conversation on a positive note. We can try to make a mental list of the topics that they often complain about and avoid mentioning them.

Another strategy is to be aware of how you think about boundaries. Often, people think they are setting boundaries when they are actually just trying to change the other person. You can determine how you listen. You can determine what you do when the other person complains but you can't make them stop complaining. So, if you find yourself trying to set a boundary by attempting to "make" them stop complaining, that may be a sign that you should consider limiting your interactions with them altogether. This is the choice that you have with chronic and constant complainers.

"Rule of 3" to be Better Liked and Make a Better First Impression

5/8/2021

According to a 2017 Harvard study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, asking a question and then asking at least two follow-up questions will dramatically increase how likable you are.

We converse with others to learn what they know, their information, stories, preferences, ideas, thoughts, and feelings, as well as what we know while managing others' perceptions of us. When we ask more questions, we are perceived as higher in responsiveness, an interpersonal construct that captures listening, understanding, validation, and care.

Asking a few questions, and actually listening to the answers, and people will like you more. It sounds too good to be true, but it is.

Around 40% of our everyday speech is spent telling other people about our subjective experiences. Not facts or instructions or outcome-based conversations, which account for another chunk of our everyday speech, but what we think or feel. Talking about ourselves, whether in person or on social media, increases activity in brain regions associated with the sense of reward and satisfaction gained from food, money, or sex.

We want and need to talk about ourselves. Therefore, when you actively help other people talk about themselves, they will see you as a great conversationalist. They will feel better about themselves, because they will feel like you care about them.

Say you meet someone new. As soon as you learn a little about them, ask how they did or do it? How they felt? Or what they like about it, learned from it, or what advice they might have? Asking at least two follow-up questions shows you respect the other person's experiences, knowledge, opinions, etc. You respect them as a person. This makes you a more likable person and helps to build the foundation for a genuine relationship.

10 Tips for Living Mindfully

3/3/2021

Life can be hectic with never-ending to-do lists, stressful working conditions, and a feeling of always being on the go, especially during the pandemic.
Even though the modern world is fast-paced, you can still learn to live a mindful life. Mindfulness is a skill that can be learned with some practice.
The first step towards being mindful throughout the day is to bring mindfulness into everything you do.
For example:

Bring mindfulness to the task at hand.
Bring awareness to your daily chores.
Bring attention to the people around you.

The second step -- and this is the hard part -- is to bring your attention back whenever you lose focus. After as short as a few days of practice you will find that your mind wanders less often.
If you find this hard, try to put "mindfulness reminders" throughout the day to remind you where to bring your awareness. For example, you can put a note at your workspace to remind you to do some mindful stretching.

Now for the specific tips to mindful living:

Do less. Decide on your essentials and do less of everything else. It's better to do a few things excellent than many things mediocre
Slow down. Only when we slow down, can we see things as they are. Slowing down and enjoying the little things makes life more pleasant.
Use your mornings to be mindful. Begin your days slow to ease into the day. Take a few minutes to stretch, pray, read, drink a cup of tea, whatever would help you to ease into your day.
Do one thing at a time. When multitasking, we switch attention between two or more tasks, which actually makes us less productive. Instead, focus on only one thing at a time for a specific time or until you are done, then move on to the next task.
Do your chores mindfully. Mindfulness is easy to incorporate into your daily life: only focus on the task at hand. Whenever you lose focus, note that your mind has wandered, and gently bring it back.
Learn to listen. Often we don't listen to others. We become so caught up in our counter-arguments, so we forget to listen to what they say. Fortunately, mindful listening is a skill that can be learned with practice. A good rule of thumb is to listen more than you talk.
Eat with awareness. Eat slowly and with awareness. Pay attention to the taste of the food, the colors and form.
Go for a walk. Leave your phone at home and go for a walk, preferably in nature. Instead of listening to music or a podcast, enjoy the sounds around you.
Do nothing. Often we fill our days with errands and tasks. We don't have any time left to just be. When doing nothing, we can become aware of our feelings and thoughts. At first, that might seem scary, but if we just continue to pay attention to them without judging, they slowly disappear.
Take a break. Take breaks throughout the day. Use your breaks to take some deep breaths and be mindful.

5 Brain-Boosting Activities

10/1/2020

Here we are six months into the shelter-in-place due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Here are some fun and stimulating ways to get those mental gears moving during the Fall of 2020.

1. Study a new language
Now is an excellent time to focus your attention on learning a new language. With today's technology, learning a new language is easier than ever! There are several free apps, like Duolingo and Babbel, that help you to learn a new language. All you need to do is select the app, download it, select the language you are most interested in learning, and dedicate some time each day to learning it.

6-tips-for-picking-up-another-language.html

2. Start a new workout routine
Believe it or not, a great daily workout can help stimulate the mind. Not only will you keep your brain active, but you will keep your body healthy and moving while sheltering at home. Yoga, sprints, learning new dance moves, walking, biking, kayaking, tennis are all great options. Make it fun!

increasing-your-energy-when-you-are-sheltering-in-place.html

3. Make some tea or hot chocolate
and work on a puzzle
Whether you prefer a rousing game of Sudoku or you are a master chess player, playing games helps to keep your mind stimulated and active. Doing different puzzles will encourage you to use your brain in new ways.

4. Get outside
As we all know, fresh air and communing in nature is healthy for our minds, bodies, and souls. Go for a nature walk and photograph interesting plants, explore a new nearby trail, do some gardening, or plant some new flowers or vegetables.

the-healing-power-of-gardens.html

5. Give yourself permission to relax
While this may not seem like a way to stimulate your mind, rest is essential to mental stimulation and creativity. Take a soothing bath, an afternoon nap, meditate for 10-15 minutes, or listen to relaxing acoustic music and find your mind and body rejuvenated.

mindfulness-apps-for-kids-and-teens.html

Time on Your Side: 10 Strategies to Be More Productive

9/1/2020

Good time management isn't just about choosing the right app. Managing our time wisely requires replacing some of our behaviors with healthier habits and routines. Here are 10 strategies to help you to be more productive and use your time well.

1. Learn How to and When To Say "NO"
Saying "no" when we are used to saying "yes" to everything is uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier the more we do it. When asked if you can do something, practice saying "Let me take a look at my schedule and see if that is something I have time for." When we are assigned more than we know we can handle, find out the new assignment is a priority. Your boss may decide to delegate the assignment to someone else once it is clear that you already have enough on your plate. Impulsive responses get people into a lot of trouble, so pause, take a breath, and ask for time to consider the request.

2. Use the two-minute rule: If the task takes two minuter or less to complete, stop and do it now.
Telling ourselves that we will do it later is a fib we often believe. All those things we say we will do later, which don't get done, take up too much "bandwidth" in our brains. Doing a simple task right away like capturing and labeling a new contact on our phone, saves a lot of time later when we have forgotten.

3. Limit and set clear boundaries for checking Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, email, and newsfeeds.
Restricting social media to a lunchtime activity or the commute home from work is a good rule of thumb, assuming you are not driving. To avoid being inadvertently distracted, move any app with a notification icon off your home screen. Be brutal and unsubscribe to emails, newsletters, and organizations that are not necessary and that wind up wasting your time.

4. Check your calendar and "to do list" morning, noon, and night.
Keep your planning simple. Ask yourself what you want to get done by lunch. After lunch, re-assess and decide what you want to accomplish before you finish work for the day. When you get home, decide what you want to do for the evening. Simple is best and less is more are good rules to apply to time management and organization.

5. Double the time you think it will take to complete an organizational project.
Many of us are poor at estimating how long things will take and almost all of us are poor at estimating the time needed for organizational projects. this is because organizing requires a lot of decision-making, and most of us complicate simple questions such as "Keep or toss it?" Having to stop in the middle of an organization project because we ran out of time is not a pretty sight, as most of what we are organizing is scattered all over the place. Make sure you have plenty of time to finish what you have started by doubling your estimate for completion.

6. Use a timer to stop what you are working on.
If hyperfocus or losing track of time leads to missed appointments or arriving late, use a timer to stop what you are working on.

7. Establish a morning and an evening routine, and stick to them.
When those two routines are consistent, other routines can be built around them. Deciding what not to do each morning and night is as important as deciding what the routine will consist of. Getting a good night's sleep and starting the day on time are necessary and healthy steps for better time management. Be patient and persistent on establishing consistency with getting up and going to bed on time.

8. Learn how and when to delegate.
Do not fall into the trap of "If I want it done right, I'll have to do it myself," or "I need to do it because it will take me longer to show someone else how to do it." We have all heard these expressions, either spoken by ourselves or others. Be patient and take the time to mentor others. It can save you a lot of time in the long run. Don't just delegate down; delegate up by asking for help when you need it. If you are assigned something at work that you have never done before, time can be wasted trying to figure out how to proceed. Ask for more detailed instructions when to find pertinent information about the task, or an example you can use as a template. "Could you please walk me through the process?" is an appropriate question to ask.

9. Beware of multitasking, which can save time only if the tasks are simple and familiar.
If the tasks are complex and unfamiliar, it is more time-efficient to do them one at a time. Helping your child with addition problems while cooking dinner you have made a hundred times is fine, but if you are trying out a new recipe and helping your teenager with calculus, chances are, you will burn dinner and your teen won't do well on the concept or quiz.

10. If you are in the middle of something, do not allow interruptions.
Politely say, "Just a moment. I'm right in the middle of something," and continue with what you are doing until you are at a good stopping point and can re-direct your focus. Sometimes a hand signal works well. Constant interruptions ruin our efficiency, so even if you have an open-door policy, do not hesitate to put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on your door when you have a project that requires your sustained attention. It is difficult for us to minimize our internal distractions, so any boundaries we can set up to minimize external distractions helps us to become more time-efficient.

Increasing Your Energy When You are Sheltering-in-place

6/1/2020

Being stuck inside can make you feel bored, frustrated, and completely exhausted, which might seem contradictory if you feel you haven't done anything aside from watching Netflix and make sourdough bread. The constraints of the pandemic can make us feel sapped and drained. Many people are wondering what they can do to maintain or increase their energy levels, while protecting themselves and their families from contracting the virus.

The changes in our routines, our mood, multiple Zoom meetings, and being bombarded with as much news as we allow ourselves to read or listen to are all adversely affecting everyone's sleep and energy.

When you feel more stressed as most of us feel during the pandemic, you are prone to also feel more exhausted. The body responds to stress by staying in the fight-or-flight mode, which produces more cortisol and makes you sleep more lightly. Additionally, when under stress, we often crave denser food such as mashed potatoes or juicy hamburgers. But all of that comfort food, also interferes with your ability to get quality sleep and therefore makes you more tired.

And when you do manage to get some quality sleep, it might be laden with nightmares during the pandemic. The Lyon Neuroscience Research Center found a 15% increase in negative dreams like nightmares. For people not on the front lines of healthcare and emergency response, fears of the novel coronavirus are projected into fears and threats of spiders, zombies, bugs, and shadowy figures.

The best way to increase your energy is to exercise. Regular exercise boots your energy and improves your immune system. There are a wide number of fitness workouts that are available online during the shelter-in-place. In the Bay Area, we are allowed to go for a socially distant walk or run as long as you maintain at least 6-feet of social distance. So, lace up your sneakers and go for a brisk walk for 30 minutes to get your blood flowing, reduce your stress, clear your mind, and increase your energy. Other ideas to get your heart pumping while indoors include jumping rope, your favorite warrior yoga pose, a dance party with your children, or master the latest TikTok dances to your favorite music. Don't forget to strength train indoors as well. Try using household objects as weights such as the detergent bottle, milk jugs, packages of sugar or rice. Keep the weight balanced on both sides of the body.

Regular exercise can tire you out and make your sleep deeper and more restful, which will improve your energy over time.

Great TED Talks on Building Meaningful Connections

2/1/2019

So many of us ponder how we can be closer with those very important people in our lives; our VIP's. This might be a sibling, parent, boss, friend, spouse, or our own children.

Here are some great TED talks on different ways to build meaningful connections with your VIP's. The TED talks are about 15-20 minutes each so feel free to enjoy them all at once or sneak them in over a day or two. Either way, they will help you to bridge some of those gaps in your VIP relationships and feel more connected.

Sleep Tips Throughout the Lifespan

12/3/2018

We all know that getting a good night's sleep is very important. Sleep helps to us to repair muscles, improve concentration, maintain health, maximize athletic performance, reduce the risk of heart disease and stroke, improve immunity, and consolidate learning, to name a few.

Here are some articles that highlight behavioral strategies for getting a good night's sleep throughout the life span.

How To Create The Perfect Sleep Environment
for Your Child

The Best Discipline Strategies for Bedtime Behavioral Problems

Sleep Hygiene For Teens

14 Strategies for Sleeping Better

Sleep Tips for Older Adults

Sweet Dreams!

Three Challenges of Human Nature and How to Overcome Them

9/10/2018

Procrastination

What makes some tasks harder than others to tackle? It turns out the time allotted for the work matters less than how our minds perceives the deadline. When a deadline feels like it is part of the present- say, within the current month, we are more likely to begin the task.

Studies find that the brain divides time into discrete categories, with boundaries at the end of a moth or the start of a new year, for example. To motivate yourself to start a task you are putting off, try thinking about time boundaries differently. For a deadline next month, you might call it three weeks instead or design a new calendar for yourself that does not break up the months. Research also suggests that dividing tasks into smaller, incremental steps with their own deadlines, will feel more immediate.

Impulsiveness

Gazing at images of the great outdoors has been linked with a range of benefits, including pain relief, stress recovery, and mood improvement. Now, research has shown that thinking of and looking at pictures of nature also helps to orient you to the future and reduce impulsivity. Seeing nature or even pictures of nature makes us think more about the future. When time is expanded, it is easier for people to imagine the future and this effect appears to lessen the draw of immediate temptations. This is something to consider the next time you are at the office working late and your desire is to raid the fridge. Watching the sunset or nature landscapes on your computer may help to keep you oriented towards the future and not the immediate temptation.

Performance Anxiety

A pounding heart, rapid breathing, racing thoughts--is it anxiety or excitement? New studies at Harvard University found that by interpreting these sensations as excitement instead of anxiety allowed people to perform better in three types of stressful situations: singing in front of strangers, speaking in public, and solving difficult math problems.

Most people try to calm down when facing high-stress situations, but that approach can backfire by increasing rumination about what could go wrong. Instead choose to focus on the potential high points of the situation, such as looking forward to making colleagues laugh during a presentation or knowing how to solve some problems on a test. Getting excited about how things can go well will give you confidence and energy and increase the likelihood that the positive outcomes you imagine will actually happen.

Transitioning to Adulthood for Children with Special Needs: Blog Roll

8/16/2018

Here are three articles to help broach the topic of helping your child or young adult to transition to adulthood. Enjoy!

1. Managing Your Child's Transition to Adulthood

2. Transition to Adulthood: Home Modifications for Adults with Special Needs

3. Special Needs Checklist: How Disability-Friendly is Your City?

<<Previous