Parenting Stress and Quality Time:  What We Can Learn

How does stress reshape family time? A recent study by Bradley et al. (2023) explored how parenting stress affects quality time between caregivers and their autistic children. This research highlights a crucial relationship between caregiver stress and activities, enjoyment, and connection. It also offers valuable insights into ways to improve family dynamics.

Key Findings:
Stress reduces connection: Parents experiencing higher levels of stress spent less time engaging in shared activities with their autistic children. They were also less likely to feel connected to or in sync with them.

Enjoyment is impacted: Higher stress levels were also linked to decreased enjoyment for both parents and children during shared activities.

Age matters: Caregivers of younger children were more likely to report shared activities and feelings of connection compared to caregivers of teens. This is likely due to typical developmental changes, such as the need for increased autonomy, as teens grow.

Why This Matters
For families of autistic children, quality time isn’t just about being together - it plays a crucial role in creating positive relationships, reducing family stress, and supporting child development. However, when caregivers are under significant stress, these interactions may become strained or less frequent.

Practical Takeaways
Prioritize quality time: Finding ways to spend valued time together, like eating meals or playing a board game, can strengthen bonds. Even small moments make lasting memories!
Address caregiver stress: Tools such as mindfulness and talk therapy can reduce stress and improve parent-child interactions.

Focus on mutual enjoyment: Activities that both parents and children find enjoyable are importing to creating positive experiences and building connection, especially as children grow older.

What Can Help
Interactions like parent-child interaction therapy or mindfulness programs can improve communication, strengthen family relationships, and reduce stress for caregivers.

By addressing the stress parents face and promoting shared enjoyment, we can help create stronger, healthier family connections. These findings remind us of the importance of supporting both autistic children and their caregivers. Together, we can create a more understanding and connected world for autistic individuals and their families.

Click here for a link to the full article.  

Sometimes it can be hard to find the time to devote vast amounts of time to meditation and mindfulness.  If you feel you don't have time for a full meditation practice, here are some ideas for taking some time, just a few moments, to be more mindful.

Ideas for Mindful Moments:

• Chopping vegetables
• Pausing on a stroll 
• Noticing leaves and nature around you
• Making your favorite drink and really enjoying that first sip
• Eating one piece of chocolate very, very slowly
• Gardening for 5 or 10 minutes
• Cleaning out your car for 15 minutes
• Dancing to your favorite song
• Using a face or foot mask
• Journaling or doing some art
• Writing your friend a real letter, snail mail style
• Smile at yourself in the mirror when you are getting ready, with a positive affirmation about your day.
• Doing 1-3 yoga poses
• Noticing all of the details in one flower

Our days can be so busy.  Sometimes there just isn't enough time to do all of the things that you need to get done. And sometimes on those days, we can't always fit in the exercise class or the dinner out with friends.  Here are a few suggestions for a quick mental health reset this month.

1.  Look up the time of the sunset and watch it for 10 minutes before and after the sun sets.
2.   Do 2 yoga poses that you enjoy.
3.  Do a 3-minute meditation and focus on your breathing.
4.  Drink a cup of hot tea outdoors or in a quiet place.
5.  Dance to your favorite song.  
6.  Put on perfume or cologne.
7.  Eat a light snack.
8.  Text a friend.
9.  Edit one photo that you recently took.
10.  Smile internally and know that you are doing the best that you can today.

Happy New Year! As we begin this new year, most people are eager to set new year's resolutions or intentions for the new year.  Some of us want to get healthier, some of us want to travel especially because of Coronavirus pandemic fatique,  while some of us want to pursue our hobbies more.

No matter what your new year's resolutions are or what your desired goals for 2022, I am sure that will agree that being present is so very important.  With that in mind, here is a blog roll of fantastic tips for being more mindful in 2022.  Enjoy!

• 30 Mindfulness Activities to Find Calm at Any Age
• 5 Simple Mindfulness Practices for Daily Life
• 1-minute meditation
• Let go of stress
• Mindful Mondays: 1 minute at a time

What Is Introspection?

Introspection can be practiced both as an informal reflection process and a formal experimental approach, and the two have different definitions. Still, both processes can be undertaken by anyone with curiosity and determination.

The informal reflection process can be defined as examining one’s own internal thoughts and feelings and reflecting on what they mean. The process can be focused on either one’s current mental experience or mental experiences from the very recent past.

The formal experimental technique is a more objective and standardized version of this, in which people train themselves to carefully analyze the contents of their own thoughts in a way that’s as unbiased as possible.

The original idea of introspection was developed by Wilhelm Wundt in the late 1800s (McLeod, 2008). Wundt focused on three areas of mental functioning: thoughts, images, and feelings. Wundt’s work eventually led to the current work on perceptual processes and the establishment of the field of cognitive psychology. 

What Is the Importance of Introspection?

Researchers have shown that we think more than 50,000 thoughts per day, of which more than half are negative and more than 90% are just repeats from the day before (Wood, 2013).

If you don’t make the time and effort to refocus your mind on the positive through introspection, you won’t give yourself the opportunity to grow and develop.

Enhancing our ability to understand ourselves and our motivations and to learn more about our own values helps us take the power away from the distractions of our modern, fast-paced lives and instead refocus on fulfillment (Wood, 2013).

The importance of doing it right.  Reflecting on ourselves and our environments is a healthy and adaptive practice, but it should be undertaken with some care—there is, in fact, a wrong way to do it.
When your focus on introspection has morphed from a dedication to an obsession, you have taken it too far. In fact, those who take self-reflection too far can end up feeling more stressed, depressed, and anxious than ever (Eurich, 2017).

In addition, it is all too easy for us to fool ourselves into thinking we have found some deep insight that may or may not be accurate. We are surprisingly good at coming up with rational explanations for the irrational behaviors we engage in (Dahl, 2017).

To help stay on the right path with your self-reflection, consider asking more “what” questions than “why” questions. “Why” questions can highlight our limitations and stir up negative emotions, while “what” questions help keep us curious and positive about the future (Eurich, 2017).

There are nearly endless questions, prompts, and ideas you can use to take a self-reflection break. Some of these can be asked, answered, and addressed every day, while others may best be saved for occasional self-reflection.

These 10 questions are great ways to jumpstart self-reflection: 

1. Am I using my time wisely?
2. Am I taking anything for granted?
3. Am I employing a healthy perspective?
4. Am I living true to myself?
5. Am I waking up in the morning ready to take on the day?
6. Am I thinking negative thoughts before I fall asleep?
7. Am I putting enough effort into my relationships?
8. Am I taking care of myself physically?
9. Am I letting matters that are out of my control stress me out?
10. Am I achieving the goals that I’ve set for myself?

The following 30 questions are questions you can ask yourself every day to get to know yourself better.

1. Who am I, really?
2. What worries me most about the future?
3. If this were the last day of my life, would I have the same plans for today?
4. What am I really scared of?
5. Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
6. If not now, then when?
7. What matters most in my life?
8. What am I doing about the things that matter most in my life?
9. Why do I matter?
10. Have I done anything lately that’s worth remembering?
11. Have I made someone smile today?
12. What have I given up on?
13. When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?
14. If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby, what advice would I give?
15. What small act of kindness was I once shown that I will never forget?
16. How will I live, knowing I will die?
17. What do I need to change about myself?
18. Is it more important to love or be loved?
19. How many of my friends would I trust with my life?
20. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
21. Would I break the law to save a loved one?
22. Would I steal to feed a starving child?
23. What do I want most in life?
24. What is life asking of me?
25. Which is worse: failing or never trying?
26. If I try to fail and succeed, what have I done?
27. What’s the one thing I’d like others to remember about me at the end of my life?
28. Does it really matter what others think about me?
29. To what degree have I actually controlled the course of my life?
30. When all is said and done, what will I have said more than I’ve done?

Finally, the following 30 prompts and questions are great ways to put your journal to use.

1. My favorite way to spend the day is . . .
2. If I could talk to my teenage self, the one thing I would say is . . .
3. The two moments I’ll never forget in my life are . . . (Describe them in great detail, and what makes them so unforgettable.)
4. Make a list of 30 things that make you smile.
5. “Write about a moment experienced through your body. Making love, making breakfast, going to a party, having a fight, an experience you’ve had or you imagine for your character. Leave out thought and emotion, and let all information be conveyed through the body and senses.”
6. The words I’d like to live by are . . .
7. I couldn’t imagine living without . . .
8. When I’m in pain—physical or emotional—the kindest thing I can do for myself is . . .
9. Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and whom you can genuinely trust. Then, make time to hang out with them.
10. What does unconditional love look like for you?
11. What things would you do if you loved yourself unconditionally? How can you act on these things, even if you’re not yet able to love yourself unconditionally?
12. I really wish others knew this about me . . .
13. Name what is enough for you.
14. If my body could talk, it would say . . .
15. Name a compassionate way you’ve supported a friend recently. Then, write down how you can do the same for yourself.
16. What do you love about life?
17. What always brings tears to your eyes? (As Paulo Coelho has said, “Tears are words that need to be written.”)
18. Write about a time when your work felt real, necessary and satisfying to you, whether the work was paid or unpaid, professional or domestic, physical or mental.
19. Write about your first love—whether it’s a person, place or thing.
20. Using 10 words, describe yourself.
21. What’s surprised you the most about your life or life in general?
22. What can you learn from your biggest mistakes?
23. I feel most energized when . . .
24. “Write a list of questions to which you urgently need answers.”
25. Make a list of everything that inspires you—whether books, websites, quotes, people, paintings, stores, or stars in the sky.
26. What’s one topic you need to learn more about to help you live a more fulfilling life? (Then, follow through and learn more about that topic.)
27. I feel happiest in my skin when . . .
28. Make a list of everything you’d like to say no to.
29. Make a list of everything you’d like to say yes to.
30. Write the words you need to hear.

Depending where you live, autumn may be in coming along nicely.  Here in the Bay Area we continue to have balmy summer weather but it is just starting to feel like the seasons are changing.  

As the weather cools down, what are some self-care activities that you gravitate towards in autumn?  Take some time this fall to enjoy the changing seasons and nurture your mental, emotional, and physical health.  Here are some small ways to enjoy fall.

• Sip hot tea
• Take a stroll and really notice the changing leaves, the colors, and the crispness in the air
• Decorate your space to bring autumn indoors
• Make spiced apple cider
• Rake the leaves
• Jump in those raked leaves
• Collect leaves on your next hike and make a collage or put them in a journal
• Read a good book
• Listen to a podcast or an audio book
• Volunteer
• Journal
• Daydream
• Take a cat nap
• Declutter one area of your house
• Donate some things that you no longer need.  
• Try a new recipe such as an autumn soup, or roast some vegetables
• Go apple picking and then make an apple pie with your favorite spices
• See if you can escape from a corn maze
• Watch your favorite movie
• Go pumpkin picking or check out the largest pumpkin grown this year
• Read ghost stories by the fire
• Go camping
• Check out a local festival
• Create a gorgeous fall wreath
• Learn a new skill
• Take a bike ride
• Learn how to knit or crochet
• Paint

Taking a stroll outside can help build lasting happiness.  Set aside 20 minutes to take a walk outside by yourself every day for a week. Try to stick to this schedule unless the weather is extremely bad. You can still do this exercise in a light rain—provided you have a decent umbrella and rain jacket.

As you walk, try to notice as many positive things around you as you can. These can be sights, sounds, smells, or other sensations. For example, you could focus on the breathtaking height of a tree you never really noticed before, the intricate architecture of a building on your block, the dance of sunshine off a window or puddle, the smell of grass or flowers, or the way other people look out for each other as they navigate crowded streets.

As you notice each of these positive things, acknowledge each one in your mind—don’t just let them slip past you. Pause for a moment as you hear or see each thing and make sure it registers with your conscious awareness.  Really take it in. Try to identify what it is about that thing that makes it pleasurable to you.
​
Try to walk a different route each day so you don’t become too accustomed to any of these things and start to take them for granted.

Life can be hectic with never-ending to-do lists, stressful working conditions, and a feeling of always being on the go, especially during the pandemic.
Even though the modern world is fast-paced, you can still learn to live a mindful life.  Mindfulness is a skill that can be learned with some practice.
The first step towards being mindful throughout the day is to bring mindfulness into everything you do.
For example:

• Bring mindfulness to the task at hand.
• Bring awareness to your daily chores.
• Bring attention to the people around you.

The second step -- and this is the hard part -- is to bring your attention back whenever you lose focus. After as short as a few days of practice you will find that your mind wanders less often.
If you find this hard, try to put "mindfulness reminders" throughout the day to remind you where to bring your awareness.  For example, you can put a note at your workspace to remind you to do some mindful stretching.

Now for the specific tips to mindful living:

1. Do less. Decide on your essentials and do less of everything else.  It's better to do a few things excellent than many things mediocre
2. Slow down. Only when we slow down, can we see things as they are. Slowing down and enjoying the little things makes life more pleasant.
3. Use your mornings to be mindful. Begin your days slow to ease into the day. Take a few minutes to stretch, pray, read, drink a cup of tea, whatever would help you to ease into your day.
4. Do one thing at a time. When multitasking, we switch attention between two or more tasks, which actually makes us less productive. Instead, focus on only one thing at a time for a specific time or until you are done, then move on to the next task.
5. Do your chores mindfully. Mindfulness is easy to incorporate into your daily life: only focus on the task at hand. Whenever you lose focus, note that your mind has wandered, and gently bring it back.
6. Learn to listen. Often we don't listen to others. We become so caught up in our counter-arguments, so we forget to listen to what they say. Fortunately, mindful listening is a skill that can be learned with practice. A good rule of thumb is to listen more than you talk.
7. Eat with awareness. Eat slowly and with awareness. Pay attention to the taste of the food, the colors and form.
8. Go for a walk. Leave your phone at home and go for a walk, preferably in nature. Instead of listening to music or a podcast, enjoy the sounds around you.
9. Do nothing. Often we fill our days with errands and tasks. We don't have any time left to just be. When doing nothing, we can become aware of our feelings and thoughts. At first, that might seem scary, but if we just continue to pay attention to them without judging, they slowly disappear.
10. Take a break. Take breaks throughout the day. Use your breaks to take some deep breaths and be mindful.

This time of year we usually gather with family and friends far and wide to enjoy the holidays.  The coronavirus pandemic has altered some of those traditional rituals we usually engage in around the holidays.

2020 forced most of us to look around and consider all the little blessings in our lives, (sometimes hiding in plain sight,) but in relative abundance once  we paid attention to them.

I hope you make your own gratitude list for the tiny miracles that bring you joy each day. It’s a practice worth doing and can improve your mood during a typically difficult time. What are you grateful for this year?

Nine in 10 adults derive happiness from small wonders such as a short line at the grocery store, a thoughtful text from a loved one, or a nice gesture from a stranger. Pay kindness forward to a passerby and you’ll find the benefits can be exponential.

The Top 50 Little Joys of 2020

1. Seeing your family
2. Seeing your friends
3. A hug
4. Receiving an unexpected money rebate or refund
5. Getting into bed with fresh sheets
6. Receiving a compliment
7. Getting a great bargain
8. A smile from a stranger
9. Seeing a great sunset or sunrise
10. Receiving an unexpected gift
11. Finding money in your pocket that you forgot about
12. Feeling the sun on your face in autumn
13. Birds singing in the morning
14. The smell of freshly cut grass
15. Receiving a call or text from a friend or family member
16. Ticking off something which has been on your to-do list for a while
17. Seeing a rainbow
18. Your favorite song coming on the radio
19. Crunching autumn leaves on a walk
20. A long weekend
21. Great customer service
22. No line at your favorite store 
23. Finishing a good book
24. Putting on comfy clothes at the end of the day
25. An unexpected ‘buy one get one free’ offer
26. When someone compliments you 
27. Someone holding a door open for you
28. That smell just after it has rained
29. Waking up early and realizing you have hours left to sleep
30. Receiving a card or letter rather than a text
31. Waking up and realizing it’s the weekend when you thought it was a weekday
32. The feeling after sorting a drawer or cupboard
33. Getting a quick reply to a customer service query
34. The satisfaction of eating a homegrown vegetable / home-baked bread
35. Keeping on top of your bills
36. Getting a better deal on your energy and saving money
37. Finding a forgotten stash of chocolate
38. A moment of peace in the bath
39. A quick chat with your neighbor
40. Paying off an outstanding bill
41. The satisfaction of clearing out your wardrobe
42. Taking a nap
43. Getting the last item before it sold out
44. Having all the right ingredients for a recipe in the cupboard already
45. Your hair looking good when you wake up
46. Completing a grocery run without forgetting anything
47. Discovering a new series on Netflix
48. Relief of knowing your bills won’t increase
49. Free WiFi
50. The smell of soil when gardening